IRONY, I used to have the name here of RyuKishi.Originally Posted by Breine
Also, Spiff, does Lance have to drive a muscle car to match his shirt? Or is that too ahead of his time? Because, of course, Lance is afraid of modern technology as are all true heroes, since technology is the realm of bad guys, and evil scientists. And dentists, can't forget dentists.
"Lance strode manfully into the lair of the evil villain, a man so evil he can't even be given a name. In one hand he held his trusty M16, in his other an M60 grenade launcher, because every hero needs big guns to match their big <b>[scene deleted]</b>. Bad guys came left right and center, Lance mowing them down with his huge manly man guns, their bloody deaths being disguised against their deep, communist red, totally unarmoured uniforms. Lance strode deeper into the villain's lair, his trusty bandanna flowing behind him in nonexistant wind, his muscle shirt perfectly pristine as heroes never sweat.
Finally, he reached the evil villain's lair, and his ultimate prize, the love of his life and long time college sweetheart...Crystal Sexkitten! Before meeting Lance, Crystal was an innocent girl, all long skirts and glasses, but now every man (and villain) was after her for their own. She lay, tied to a chair, her tight jumpsuit unzipped slightly revealing the perfect curves of her <b>[scene deleted]</b>. "Alright evil villain! It's just you and me now! A final duel, over your conveniently placed boiling acid filled lava pit at the centre of a volcano!" shouted Lance as he strode manfully into the lair of his nemesis (well, one of many, but Lance had a somewhat one track mind). "Haha, you can never stop me Lance, my incredibly slow moving, weak laser will cut your lover in two before you can even reach me! Look, even now, it is already at least six foot away from her...feet! Hahahaha!" the evil villain retorted.
Lance was shocked, he had to make the terrible choice between saving the love of his life and defeating his evil nemesis, so Lance did what only a hero could do. With a great cry, he hefted both his gun and shot the <b>[scene deleted]</b> out of the evil villain! And the villain cried, with his dying words "But you're a hero! You can't do something like that!", "Hah" shouted Lance "I'm an American hero! We'll do anything we want to defeat <b>[scene deleted]</b> Reds like you! Give my regards to Lenin!"
And with that, Lance untied Crystal and carried her out of the volcano while it began to explode.
As they were driving away in Lance's manly muscle car, the volcano exploding behind the happy couple, Crystal turned to Lance and asked "Oh Lance, I love you so much, now will you teach me to <b>[scene deleted]</b>?" "Oh yeah baby, just make sure you limber up first! Haha!" Lance laughed. And as the volcano sank into the ground behind them, Lance and Crystal kissed, with no regard for road safety or any other pedestrians. But then, Lance is a hero, and true heroes don't give a <b>[scene deleted]</b> about the little guys
NEXT EPISODE : Lance Uppercut Fights The Evil Villains of The Red Planet, MARS! Why? Because they're clearly all vicious commies!"
...Ok, I'm done now ¬_____¬
Reply With Quote