I have returned, and just in time! That's right, your superhero has come back to you all! I guess I should explain my absence.
Well, as you all may have well known, I had previously fallen at the hands of the tyrant, Lord Michnaid, and his diabolical Substance Device. The plan was ingenious, it created layers upon layers of matter to clog up my deleteflexes, thus rendering me powerless. In his madness he stashed me away in his mountainous lair to keep me as his prize. What a terror! I daresay I hope none of you youngsters ever approach strange castles. Fearful things lurk in their shadows.
Anyway, back to the story. In my cell was nothing but a table. With my full strength I could have easily deleted the entire cell, but alas this was not the case. After many months of suffering and depression I came up with a plan. I used what little strength left to break the table in half. Why, you ask? Because now I had two halves, and two halves make a whole. Now, Michnaid had taken away my power to delete objects, but that is not all the fair muse granted me that day many years ago. I was also able to delete concepts...like letters! Swiping the 'w' from my 'whole' I had, you guessed it, a hole! Using the old hole-in-the-wall trick, I was on my way to freedom.
Knowing my nemesis would scour the earth looking for me, I prepared quickly for the coming battle. I called up my good friend Del Murder (some of you have heard of him) and asked him to get in touch with someone for me. Then we returned to Mt. Dnalnif for the final showdown. We being myself, and Mr. Rowrig, Del Murder's 11th grade physics teacher! Now when Michnaid tried to fire up the old Substance Machine, Rowrig chimed in with a lecture on how 'matter can neither be created nor destroyed'. This logical outburst caused the machine to go berserk and explode, and with my full powers I quickly deleted Michnaid's coat and pants, leaving him the mountaintop until he froze. He now sits in the capital of Michnaidia, a statue for all the people to remind them how precious liberty is.
After it was over I had a question for Mr. Rowrig. 'If physics says matter cannot be created or destroyed, how does that explain my deleting powers?' I asked him.
'Why, Super Delete, that's something you'll have to figure out for yourself one day,' he replied. Then he disappeared into a cloud of smoke! Well, not really, he got on a plane and went back to Oakland. But it would have been cool if he did!
The End
