Dumbest Members of Tech Support

[Citizen Bleys]

When I first started working in tech support, I tried to come up with a "top 10" list of the dumbest things that people ever called me about.

That top 10 list was full within 30 minutes.

Nevertheless, I'm going to try to winnow it down to the dumbest of the dumb, the funniest calls of ClientLogic. Working with me on compiling this list will be my co-worker Mark McEacheron, who has taken way funnier calls than me, and furthermore who was training a new agent tonight that looks precisely like Mr. Sean Robinson.

The first 2 come from ONE call that I took earlier tonight

1. "So, Mrs deleted, what program are you using to get your email?"

"Windows"

2. "Alright, and on the next screen, I'll get you to type your name."

"Vera deleted?"

"Yes, your name"

"I never know which one to put"

3. "I can't get any email."

"Are you connected to the internet?"

"I need to be connected to the internet to get email?"

4. Ticket log:
member is unable to view web pages

connected to the internet

mem is now able to view web pages

5. "Do you have a firewall?"

"A table?"

(This one was one of McEacheron's, but I know he was telling the truth. He had 3 trainees, including the British version of Sean)

6. "Okay, now I'll get you to connect."

"To the internet?"

No. To a beehive. With your genitals.

7. "Bell Tech Support, Mark speaking, how may I help you?"

"You're a ing hole"

Mom?

8. "I got this error message, it says non system disk or disk error, replace and strike any key when ready"

I was supposed to send him to a technician

9. On a call from Alabama, the father was doing the physical setup and his daughter was translating between English and Southern. The father's trying to plug a USB cable into an ethernet port, and the agent says that won't work. The phone drops and all you hear is "NO, DAD, IT DON'T GO IN THAT HOLE~!"

10. Ticket log for a No Sync trouble:

asked mem to plug the modem into the phone jack

lost mem

He unplugged his phone to plug the modem in

11. "What lights are currently lit on the front of your modem?"

"Power...contrast....bright..."

12. "OK, just press and hold the power button on the computer for 30 seconds to turn your computer off, and then press it again to turn it back on."

*ten seconds later*

"I have the same screen"

"O...kaaay....try the reset button"

"There isn't one."

"It shoule be right next to power"

"The only thing I have near the power button are the dials for contrast and bright."

13. "OK, just unplug your modem for 30 seconds and then plug it back in."

"Oh, @#$%^ my screen just went black"

He unplugged his computer

Lastly, here are two from a member who we are STILL making fun of, whom we refer to as Little Miss Mitnick.

14. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm really computer-literate, so this should be pretty easy."

"OK, what version of Windows are you running?"

"Oooo, that's a tough one."

15. "Next, just type in "route print" and press enter."

"But I don't have a printer!"

16. "What version of Windows are you running?"

"Windows XP Service Pack 4"

sent mem to the future to see a tech

17. "What version of Windows are you running?"

"Windows XP 2000"

18. "What version of Windows are you running?"

"Windows 95"

It was Windows XP. I also had another one where they said they had Windows XPee and it turned out to be 98

EDIT: Apparently, Sean's clone is a real prick

EDIT: Update: Apparently, someone tried to hook up 2 computers without a router by plugging one in with ethernet and the other with USB.

Also, I just got a member who couldn't understand why she couldn't connect. Turns out, her pet bunny rabbit chewed through the cord.