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Thread: Final Fantasy IV - "Ah, The Power of Cheese"

  1. #91

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    Series 2




    Episode I - "Affirmative Action is going to be all over this"

    The King of Fabul is officially put down, so as you probably already guessed, you'll be getting a slick new ride. This time you don't have to have three rocks sticking out of the water to pass.

    And so, it's time once more to head off in no particular direction until you run into trouble again. Before you leave Yang will share some touching dialogue with his wife.



    Yeah, I think it's safe to assume Yang never gets any.

    Anyway, the crew of dwarf clones is utterly fascinated with Cecil for some reason and the Captain even offers his personal welcome to you.



    Feat eh?... I wonder if he's talking about how you just failed to protect the kingdom of Fabul? Or maybe he's a sadist that has heard about how much abuse you dish out to Rydia on a regular basis?

    I suppose he could be referring to any of the wonderful things Cecil has done so far in the game... Uh oh! Looks like trouble!



    Wait-

    I think there's trouble... Umm, What does that exclaiming sentence even mean? It seems to be a question although it's just a loud, assertive remark.



    Oh, Leviathan, king serpent of the seas, right. Okay so there is trouble, glad that's cleared up.

    After Leviathan decides to attack you for no reason you'll all be hurdled from the ship. Cecil is somehow trajected into the air where he travels miles in a southward direction conveniently placing him right next to the town that progresses the story and leaving him teamless so that he can have spies in his party without breaking the 5 member team limit. Very slick.

    Cecil is speechless at the situation. Well, almost.



    Funny, I was thinking the same thing.

    So just where is it that Cecil lands? Well, you've been here before in the game, except last time you were offing old guys. Anyway, the place isn't too thrilled about you being back and they do all kinds of nasty things to you.

    This includes poisoning you,



    Turning you into a pig (and laughing about it with incremental pauses),



    And worst of all, confusing you with really, really bad game translation.



    Hmm, something tells me he doesn't understand.

    The following conversation that takes place with the elder is basically impossible to understand but luckily, again, you can sort of make it out from what happens.

    You'll be assigned two helpers (spies!) to assist you in becoming a Paladin. If you succeed they'll totally forgive you for killing their citizens and stealing their most prized possession, sounds like a deal!

    Make your way out of town and up the mountain to get started on your task. Half way up you'll meet up with an old friend, Tellah! He's still pissed off but since you only have 3 out of 5 spots in your party filled he joins you - and its a good thing he does otherwise you might not suspect that you'd have to fight a boss at the top of the mountain.



    You have to be pretty damn evil for someone to physically feel your evilness.



    OH NO It's the bush hag again! Oh wait, scratch that.

    After casually introducing himself and shaking your hands, Milon will initiate battle with you and magically have undead zombies fighting alongside him.

    Dispatch the mysterious zombies before you go for Milon as they'll eat your brains if you don't kill them. After you do enough damage to Milon he'll use his "12 Periods in a Single Textbox" attack.



    After you defeat Milon walk 4 steps and you'll fight another boss.

    Milon, again. Very exciting stuff. Beat him again and he'll tell you that you did so.



    After this its all downhill, literally. Cecil becomes a paladin and swears he will never be such an asshole ever again, Tellah spontaneously remembers all of his spells, and the group returns together for a warm welcome.

    Well, it didn't work for Michael Jackson, but Cecil is sure getting a good response from going dark to light. This black mage is so excited he decides to exclaim the obvious.



    TO BE CONTINUED!
    (Is that true!)




    Last edited by Necronopticous; 12-04-2004 at 03:24 AM.

  2. #92

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    thanks man. I actually burst out laughing on occasions...awesome stuff

  3. #93

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    It's fantasticly. I enjoy it. It's a piece of art.

    Moogle:
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  4. #94
    Who's scruffy lookin'? Captain Maxx Power's Avatar
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    They're gonna write songs about this stuff. Then somebody will parody those songs.
    There is no signature here. Move along.

  5. #95
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    That comment about Michael Jackson is absolutely horrible!
    Yet so true.

    Hurry with the next episode.

    But do not hurry.

  6. #96
    Triple Triad Ace Ultima Shadow's Avatar
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    It's all just great stuff!!! Keep it up!!!

  7. #97
    An Ogrish One MoonsEcho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Halenite
    Hurry with the next episode.

    But do not hurry.
    XD

    Yay for the start of Series 2! That made my day.

  8. #98

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    Quote Originally Posted by Halenite
    That comment about Michael Jackson is absolutely horrible!
    Yet so true.
    Hence the title of the episode.

  9. #99
    Queen of the BushHags Takara's Avatar
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    Fantastic, as expected.

  10. #100

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    You rule. Seriously.

  11. #101

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    While this thing was insanely funny, the coversation between the elder and Cecil wasn't at all confusing.

    Cecil: I must hurry!
    Elder: I do understand.
    But do not hurry.
    What is so confusing about that? Cecil lets the elder know that he needs to hurry, and the elder is saying that he understands why Cecil would be in a hurry, but is letting him know that being in a hurry is a bad idea here because haste generally makes waste.

    Also, this is from the first episode:

    Cecil unleashes a variety of attacks that kill any horde of aggressive enemy force in seconds, of course once you get control of Cecil he magically forgets how to do them and never remembers for the remainder of the game.
    No, he doesn't forget. "Litbolt" and "Firebomb" are items, not skills, and you do get them in Japanese version. Also, you can use a Game Genie for the US version (FFII) and buy things from stores called "Dummy", and all that these mysterious "dummy" items are. They are items originally from FF4 that were omitted to make the game more simple. Some other items include the Smut, and the various healing items. For example, there used to be eyedrops for blind, echo screen for silence, mallet for mini, and so forth. But when we got the game, they condensed them all into "Heal", because it would be too complex for our fragile American brains....

    Oh my god, I'm so lame because I point out dumb stuff like that. I swear, I really just need to shut the f**k up every now and then. My bad.

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    Last edited by feioncastor; 12-05-2004 at 05:58 AM.
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  12. #102

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    Quote Originally Posted by feioncastor
    What is so confusing about that? Cecil lets the elder know that he needs to hurry, and the elder is saying that he understands why Cecil would be in a hurry, but is letting him know that being in a hurry is a bad idea here because haste generally makes waste.
    Is that true!

    Quote Originally Posted by feioncastor
    No, he doesn't forget. "Litbolt" and "Firebomb" are items, not skills, and you do get them in Japanese version. Also, you can use a Game Genie for the US version (FFII) and buy things from stores called "Dummy", and all that these mysterious "dummy" items are. They are items originally from FF4 that were omitted to make the game more simple. Some other items include the Smut, and the various healing items. For example, there used to be eyedrops for blind, echo screen for silence, mallet for mini, and so forth. But when we got the game, they condensed them all into "Heal", because it would be too complex for our fragile American brains....
    Don't forget that there couldn't have possibly been references to the terrorist attacks on the world trade centers either, and there isn't any monster in Final Fantasy IV called a Bush Hag (*see image), and that Cecil doesn't actually try to kill Rydia in Village Mist after she survives the package.

    I don't think "Ah, The Power of Cheese" means to be a very accurate account of the events in Final Fantasy IV, although that's just my opinion.

    Last edited by Necronopticous; 12-05-2004 at 06:51 AM.

  13. #103
    Score: 0 out of 2 Dignified Pauper's Avatar
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    I would love to see what you have to say about Mystic Quest, or some of the scenes in FF6

  14. #104

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    Oh good lord... I'm dying with laughter!!

  15. #105
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marick
    I would love to see what you have to say about Mystic Quest, or some of the scenes in FF6
    Oh, GAWD!
    I can just imagine some of the MQ stuff.

  16. #106
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    yea, exactly, Mystic Quest was by far more cheesy than FFIV... though I still consider it a good game.

  17. #107
    Triple Triad Ace Ultima Shadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by feioncastor
    Oh my god, I'm so lame because I point out dumb stuff like that. I swear, I really just need to shut the f**k up every now and then.
    Agreed!

  18. #108
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    Wow. This is outstanding. It's as good or better than other comics on the net. Awesome. Hilarious.

    But, uh, while I read this, I ate fried chicken. And then, instead of eating ice cream for desert, I thought that beany-weenies might be healthier. or something. SO I ate that.
    I had the most wicked, pseudo-nauseating (I couldn't throw up even though I kinda wanted to) stomach ache. But I didn't have the strength of will to stop reading this. So with every joke I was just dying because I couldn't stop laughing and my laughing was destroying my stomach.

    I have a love/hate relationship with you for this.
    Hopefully I won't have a killer stomach ache the next time you post.


    ...!?
    Last edited by Martyr; 12-07-2004 at 07:31 PM.

  19. #109
    wat? Misfit's Avatar
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  20. #110
    Old school, like an old fool. Flying Mullet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Necronopticous
    Well, it didn't work for Michael Jackson, but Cecil is sure getting a good response from going dark to light.
    Loving it! :rock:
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  21. #111
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    . It's hillarious, keep up the good work.
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  22. #112

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    Episode II - "Underdeveloped characters make good bosses"



    I admit, discarding your old ways and becoming a Paladin was pretty awesome but I don't know if it merits exclaiming and questioning a double set of ellipses.

    I don't know if it's just me, but I'd expect this "legendary sword" to be pretty damn good, but of course, a little while later you'll be buying a sword whose power doubles this one from some town weapon shop.



    Hmm, I feel sort of uncomfortable taking advice from a town elder who willingly admits he knows absolutely nothing about anything. He should give himself more credit, after all, he's a master of being badly translated.



    Before actually taking the Serpent Road talk to this guy:



    It's easy to do something for an undefined amount of time purposely given with no reference points. In this guy's logic, I also just wished ever since, therefore I am still not impressed with the knowledgeless elder.

    After you take the Serpent Road you'll find yourself all the way back at Baron, talking to the townsfolk will give you hints at where you should go. The clues are subtle and slight, for example: "There is a karate man in the Inn"

    Upon entering the Inn, you'll find Yang, surprise, surprise.



    You'll have to face Yang and his two henchmen in battle, but if you think a plot twist is coming, think again.

    Yang is a weakling and goes down easily, especially with the help of Tellah's newly remembered spells, but nothing is going to stop him from telling you to Shut up! before you put him down.



    That includes the fact that you didn't even say anything...



    And the award for worst possible grammar and diction goes to... Tellah!

    After properly catching up and reuniting with Yang in the Inn, head for the very convenient secret waterway into the castle. Upon reaching the castle you'll be greeted by Baigan the Cheif Guard of Baron who will also join your party.



    Hmmm...



    The only thing fishy is that getting Baigan in your team would mean that you'd have 6 members where 5 are only allowed in the engine of the game. So naturally, he turns into a boss monster. Rawwr.



    After you kill Baigan you'll get the opportunity you've been waiting for since the beginning of the game, finally being able to confront the King of Baron to give him a piece of your mind.

    Okay, save your breath, he's going to turn into a boss monster too.



    You see? I don't want to say I told you so but...

    Well, I guessed that the King would turn into a boss monster but never in my wildest dreams did I envision it being such an ugly one. Kainazzo is, hands down, the most horrendous looking creature Final Fantasy IV has to offer. Get your fill of his ugliness now because in after a couple lit-3's he'll be put down for good.



    ...But not without a last attempt to squash you on your way out of the throne room. Luckily Palom and Porom are there to sacrifice their lives to save you by casting stone on themselves. Soft would cure any other case of petrification but doesn't for this one. That's due to the um.... the fact that there is no reason. But rest assured, you can't heal them, reason or not.

    Oh, and in case you were wondering if the King of Baron's dissapearance counts as the loss of an elderly man.



    It does.

    TO BE CONTINUED!
    (If I don't get institutionalized from having recurring night terrors about Kainazzo)





  23. #113

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    XD! Keep up the jawesome work there, Necronopticous.

  24. #114
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    Yeah, Tellah has some of the worst grammar as far as I can see.

  25. #115

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    Man...Kainazoo is pretty ugly. Ya got that right.
    "oh well, wherever whever you are. Iron maiden's, gonna get you, no matter how far. See the blood flow, whatchin it shed, up above my head. Iron Maiden, will watch you again!"

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  27. #117

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    serious talent man, serious talent..

    by the way, on the ugliness scale,

    FuSoYa > Kainazzo
    Sig removed for being way over the clearly specified 250 pixel maximum height limit.-->

  28. #118
    Ghost of Christmas' past Recognized Member theundeadhero's Avatar
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    by the way, on the ugliness scale,

    FuSoYa > Kainazzo
    When he's dead he looks like a mop!
    ...

  29. #119
    Queen of the BushHags Takara's Avatar
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    MOPU! XD

  30. #120
    Famine Wolf Recognized Member Sephex's Avatar
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    Wow.

    Final Fantasy IV is my favorite game off all time. I played through the original english translation countless time. What you have done with the original American version is great! Keep them coming!

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