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Thread: Final Fantasy IV - "Ah, The Power of Cheese"

  1. #1

    Default Final Fantasy IV - "Ah, The Power of Cheese"

    Note by Flying Mullet: Since the original site Necro hosted this "comic" on is now defunct, and thus, a lot of the picture locations no longer work, I'm providing the latest(as of this edit) url to where Necro has the comic hosted: Final Fantasy IV: Ah, The Power of Cheese.

    Final Fantasy IV - "Ah, The Power of Cheese"

    Courtesy of Necronopticous, Eyes on Final Fantasy, Demented3d, and Zsnes

    Visit the Final Fantasy IV "Ah, The Power of Cheese" Website!


    Series 1



    Episode I - "The Adventure Begins"

    We start Final Fantasy IV in the midst of a terrible wrongdoing by none other than... THE RED WINGS! Cecil is the leader of this merciless band of cute little clones who do things such as ask sadistic questions and ANSWER THEMSELVES! These guys are the epitome of "bad-ass" as we can see in the following picture.



    After witnessing the group ruthlessly murder a few senior citizens and steal their bling-bling, Cecil, the lead role in Final Fantasy IV, is faced with groups of monsters that attack the airships because they're monsters; and monsters are mean. Cecil unleashes a variety of attacks that kill any horde of aggressive enemy force in seconds, of course once you get control of Cecil he magically forgets how to do them and never remembers for the remainder of the game.



    Wow, impressive, I guess Cecil just improvised this once, this move would sure come in handy against those damn zombies you face 30 minutes later in the game.

    Cecil decides to ask the king why he's being ordered to kill off 70 year old men and women, so naturally, he's "relieved of his command" and given the task of hijacking an airplane and crashing it into the summoner village, oh wait, I mean delivering a package. I swear I always wanted to get the King in my party JUST once so I could go to Namingway and rename him "Osama". You'll want to pay close attention to the advice Kain gives you in the following sequence.



    I'm not sure who or what Kain is really referring to but I have reason to believe it's the priceless information of this man:



    There are a few other people in the castle that will give you information that is important also such as, "Value your life!" Once you're done trying to encode all of this useful information into your long term memory you can continue on to the first appearance of Cecil's side dish, Rosa. If you speed through this scene it's much more touching, but if you take your time with it... Well... Let's have a look.



    I'm not sure weather Cecil should be touched and thank her for being concerned or be totally offended and bash her face in with the side of his helmet. Nonetheless, Cecil knows from EXPERIENCE that there will be rewards for putting up with Rosa's mistranslated dialogue. He goes to sleep on his freshly changed sheets that night like a true bad-ass: In full dark knight AF armor. Dark Knights know no such thing as "comfort", they're soldiers. Anyway, after a pitiful conversation with Rosa and then himself you realize Cecil is like a big teddy bear inside. Either that or just a whining baby with lines like "I'm just a Dark Knight with no courage!"

    Before you head off in the morning, be sure to get some inspiration from this local.



    Oh yeah! A big grin will streak across the players face now. A true geek like me will even physically say out loud: "Well GUESS what!? WE ARE A TEAM BEYOTCH!" Unfortunately, however, this guy must have been too lost in his enthusiasm to consider the possibility that the duo would run into a merciless killing machine when they stepped foot out of town.

    ...Either that or an eagle.



    TO BE CONTINUED!
    (maybe)




    Last edited by Necronopticous; 05-10-2005 at 08:48 PM.

  2. #2
    HEIDEGGER SI MY BISHI!!!1 DJZen's Avatar
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    I just peed myself.....
    Last edited by DJZen; 10-31-2004 at 11:24 PM.

  3. #3
    Score: 0 out of 2 Dignified Pauper's Avatar
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    that was absolutely hillarious

  4. #4

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    I love Final Fantasy IV, maybe I'll do episode 2. The main problem is that I use a very limited free image host, would anyone be willing to host the images for this if I go on with it?

  5. #5
    moorB A abrojtm's Avatar
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    xD *cracks up*

  6. #6

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    XD! That was the shiznat. I'd be glad to host these for you if you're willing to keep 'em coming.

  7. #7

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    I might just take you up on the offer, however I think Devilmaykickass may handle it for me. There is definately more where this came from.

  8. #8

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    This is really good. And hilarious. I want more

    Moogle:
    1. Catlike creature. Has a large red ball on it's head attached by a long hair. Some can fly. Some can fight. Some are lazy bastards. All say Kupo (or Puu)

  9. #9
    Ten-Year Vet Recognized Member Kawaii Ryűkishi's Avatar
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    http://norbert-x.com/rock/ for uploads.

    If you should get through even most of the game, be sure to include this scene, as well.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  10. #10
    Not a Banana Mo-Nercy's Avatar
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    *bows down to he with the long name*

  11. #11
    Triple Triad Ace Ultima Shadow's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SephirothNL
    This is really good. And hilarious. I want more

  12. #12

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    Episode II is in pre-production.

  13. #13
    Queen of the BushHags Takara's Avatar
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    ROFL! *high fives*

  14. #14
    Oh noes! Venom65437's Avatar
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    Thumbs up

    GREAT stuff! Keep it up!

  15. #15

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    Episode II - "Al Queda, eat your heart out."

    Okay, so the guy wasn't actually too far off. Kain and Cecil really do make a pretty unstoppable force. In fact, for the next few hours of gameplay, consider yourself to be fighting a formidable opponent if they're able to hit Cecil for more than 2 damage. But this is getting ahead of ourselves, first of all, you have some very important business in the town outside of the castle.

    This business consists of walking around and harassing people for taxes as well as showing off that you're a studly Dark Knight. Expect comments such as "Your armor is so dark! Are you a bad guy?" and of course the very believable dialogue of this young lad.



    You're going to want to make sure to drop in to see Cid. Okay, actually he's sleeping and you'll only be able to get consistent strings of Z's, ellipses, and something about an engine out of him. But you can meet his daughter who will give a mouthful of words in no particular order "More all night work. He thinks he's young. Town folk speak ill of the soldiers and the king."

    Oh, and in case you're ever having an argument with Cid that concerns buoyancy or it's principles, give it up.



    Cid's got every end covered; I'll be he'd play a damn good game of Baulderdash... Okay, so before you take off be sure to check for items stashed in trashcans, bushes, and of course, floating in random spots in the water (Spoils from Cid's buoyancy experiments?).

    Think of entering the Misty Cave as getting on board an airplane and your weapons as box-cutters. The enemies will be like the passengers and flight staff that resist your hijacking, you can take most of them out with one or two swipes.

    I never quite understood this part, appearantly there is an invisible panel here that plays the following sound every time you step on it.



    I got stuck on this part for three weeks because I kept doing what it told me to do and I could never figure out why the game wasn't progressing. The trick is to do the opposite of what the recording tells you, tricky stuff.



    A monster at the end of a creepy cave full of mist? Not a chance! This question always reminds me of the "dead-f***ing-obvious" questions Steve used to ask the 3-year-olds on the Nickelodeon show, "Blue's Clues".

    At this point, you've succeeded in stealing the aircraft. Now it's time to face your final obstacle, DENSE CLOUDS!



    A boss that totally sucks, transforms in 2 minute intervals, and hits you with a strong area attack if you attack it while transformed. Why does this sound so familiar? Anyway, make sure to take great pleasure in killing D.Mist, it's not like you're killing someone's mother or anything.

    Once you maneuver through the clouds pilot over to Village Mist.



    CRASH!

    Congratulations you're now a full-fledged terrorist! Make sure to dispose of any survivors, for instance, this innocent girl.



    Watch out terrorists, it's George W. Bush! I mean Titan!



    TO BE CONTINUED!
    (probably)




    Last edited by Necronopticous; 11-04-2004 at 05:30 AM.

  • #16
    Quack Shlup's Avatar
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    That is damn funny stuff.

  • #17

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    Gimme more . Hey, you're wunderfull. I like you, gimme more

    Moogle:
    1. Catlike creature. Has a large red ball on it's head attached by a long hair. Some can fly. Some can fight. Some are lazy bastards. All say Kupo (or Puu)

  • #18

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    "Congratulations, you're a full-fledged terrorist"

    Roflmao

  • #19

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    XD! Good stuff man, good stuff. Keep up the good work... or else!

  • #20
    Oh noes! Venom65437's Avatar
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    Another excellent episode!

  • #21

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    I'm glad you enjoy it, it's fun to write. I say this stuff in my head every time I play the game through, I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it funny.

  • #22

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    xD! Keep up the good work!

    <3 @ Fan Comics

  • #23
    Triple Triad Ace Ultima Shadow's Avatar
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    It's simply great! Keep up the good work!

  • #24
    An Ogrish One MoonsEcho's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShlupQuack
    That is damn funny stuff.

  • #25
    The Demon of Elements
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    Give me MORE!

  • #26

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    Episode III - "The One After Episode II"

    At this point in Final Fantasy IV I always like to take a step back and feel really good about all of the great things I've accomplished in the game. Here is a list of some of the highlights so far:

    • Ruthlessly murdered old men and women.
    • Stole jewels.
    • Got fired.
    • Harrassed town folk.
    • Wallowed in self-pity.
    • Killed a little girl's mother.
    • Set the little girl's town on fire.
    • Slashed the little girl with a sword, putting her into a coma.

    You're shaping up to be one hell of a hero! And to think, you're only about 20 minutes into the game. Anyway, when the little girl awakens from her coma, Cecil forces her to tell him her name. She agrees and decides to become his sidekick and help him out on his adventures. Just the reaction you'd expect from her, right? Of course.

    Before heading out go visit your mysteriously dying girlfriend.



    From the looks of her emotionally charged dialogue, you can tell her mysterious lethal sickness is bad news! If you ever want Rosa to say anything beside "Mmm..." again, you had better do some research, and fast. You can start at this bookshelf.



    Well would you look at that, what luck! The title of the first book you set your eyes on tells you EXACTLY what you need to cure your girlfriend. If only all things in life were this cheesy... I mean easy.

    Before rushing out to get the cure for Rosa I suggest you make a few important story-progressing stops. First of all you're going to want to put your hands into the fireplace before leaving the house.



    OUCH! FIRE BAD! That must have been how Rydia's friends and family felt when you torched them in their sleep.



    I've always questioned this guy's sexuality, I don't know why...

    Once you've had enough of this town head for the cave to the northwest. Don't worry about catching desert fever like Rosa, she's the only one in the game that's allowed to catch it. You can thank the stupidity of the hypothetical illness for that one.

    Appearantly killing off everything in Rydia's life wasn't enough for Cecil. He'll constantly let her get knocked out in battle and just laugh about it as everything that kills her in one hit takes a whopping 1 damage from him.



    Tellah, the senior citizen, will notice Cecil's fascinating ability to take 1 damage from every aggressive monster on the planet and demand that he help defeat the big ugly monster at the end of the cave. You're supposed to believe that Tellah has amnesia but that was just a cheap excuse to make it so you could only use crappy ass spells.

    No one seems to feel uncomfortable at the fact that the cave is infested with decomposing corpses that are somehow magically alive and trying to kill you. I guess it's no big deal, just use Tellah's crappy Fire 1 to take them all out. Rydia is basically useless because she's still scared of fire, aww poor baby. I guess it doesn't matter, if a gust of wind blows her too hard she'll fall down knocked out.



    Pay no attention to Octomamm's freaky soul-piercing eyes and take him out with a few swipes and Bolts. CAREFUL, believe it or not he can actually hit Cecil for more than 1 hp per turn *gasp*

    OH NO, TERRIBLE BOMBARDMENTS FROM THE AIRSHIPS!



    This scene would be a lot more tragic if the dead guys were actually dead. Appearantly these were those new bombs that, instead of killing people, make them constantly state the obvious.



    And then there is this guy...



    For some reason I was expecting more of a "HOLY F***ING SH** HELP ME, AHHHHHH MY LEGS, I CAN'T FEEL MY F***ING LEGS!" response when I talked to this guy. What was I thinking? Obviously losing profuse amounts of blood and being on the verge of death after a firey explosion would make any person in their right mind want to enthusiastically give hints to healthy passerbys.



    Okay, it would REALLY suck to see the castle your daughter is in get bombed. However, it would REALLY REALLY suck if you found out she was the ONLY person that died in the bombing. It might even make you mad enough to let all of your anger out on the guy who brought her there. This is why the following scene constantly goes down as the most vulgar scene in any video game to date.

    CAUTION: The following screenshot may be too vulgar for young readers. You have been warned.



    TO BE CONTINUED!
    (you spoony bard!)





  • #27
    Not a Banana Mo-Nercy's Avatar
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    I love how you didn't use "You spoony bard" which had actually caught me rather of guard since it seemed so obvious that it would be there.

    Hilarious. Truly hilarious.

    (EDIT: I just read the fine print. Touché.)
    Last edited by Mo-Nercy; 11-04-2004 at 08:42 AM.

  • #28

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    Just wunderfull who you are doing it. I cannot wait untill the next episode. It really is great.

    Moogle:
    1. Catlike creature. Has a large red ball on it's head attached by a long hair. Some can fly. Some can fight. Some are lazy bastards. All say Kupo (or Puu)

  • #29

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    I love your work, man! Keep 'em coming, these are funny as hell.

  • #30
    An Ogrish One MoonsEcho's Avatar
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    I LOVE THIS!

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