Why are rocks all different sizes?

First off. Last time this was asked by one of my colleagues, and I got to say, the answers were much more inspiring. I'm terribly disappointed in all of you (except a few), and so I want you to practice so that next time I (or one of my associates) asks this question, the answers make me die from laughter.

Anyway, the following statements were made by your fellow Eyes On chums, and reflect their attitudes and beliefs towards different sized rocks.

Note: I'll reveal the authors' of the statements once everyone has had a chance to chime in.

Note2: No rocks were were smashed or skipped across ponds in the asking of this query.

Enjoy.

EDIT: Stuck it because I put effort into this and because I can.