Steven Seagal

[Optium]

Anyone else ever watch his movies at 4AM on TNT with a bowl of
Cheerios and just laugh your ass off? This guy is a comic genius, I don't
understand how he hasn't won and Oscar yet. I haven't seen a movie in
years that's made me laugh harder than Out for a Kill. When he pokes like
5 guys in the eyes in a row and they all go down crying and he's just like
oh yeah, that's right, I'm Steven Seagal.

I'm planning to write a paper (not sure for what class, but hopefully I can
somehow fit it into some assignment, maybe if we write a persuasive
essay for english or something) about why Steven Seagal should be
supreme ruler of the universe for life (which is eternity as he is immortal--a
point which I will prove in my paper).

[as Eddie Izzard would say] So....yeah.

.opt

[RSL]

I refuse to watch his movies. My dad really likes that kind of thing, and I've seen enough of it to know that I will never ever enjoy a movie where he is the main actor.

[Dingo Jellybean]

He's a pathetic actor. He never gets touched in any of his movies. They all suck. At least Arnold gets hurt a couple of times, Seagal never even has a strand of hair fall out of place.

[Optium]

EXACTLY!

That's why they're so hilarious. He's just some fat loser who can't fight for
<img src=http://forums.eyesonff.com/images/smilies/rpg_009.gif><img src=http://forums.eyesonff.com/images/smilies/rpg_009.gif><img src=http://forums.eyesonff.com/images/smilies/rpg_009.gif><img src=http://forums.eyesonff.com/images/smilies/rpg_009.gif> and the only reason the fights actually look action packed are because
of the HUGE amount of editing, cutting scenes, changing views, etc.
Every single movie he's ever made just oozes with cliches. The best part
is, in Out for a Kill, he goes to the last guy's building and after taking out
a bunch of body guards with his skillful eye poking technique, sits down
and talks to the boss. The guy throws a grenade at Steven and he falls
backwards in his chair onto the floor. Holy crap I nearly soiled my pants.
Then, just to add to the awesomeness, he walks through the flames over
to a sword on the wall and grabs it, goes over to the window where the
guy escaped (and is now getting into a limo), and Steven throws the sword
at him out the window, and it just takes off his head, and the last scene
is just the head rolling down the street. Baahahaha.

Then there was the movie about the train being hijacked and Steven
has to kill all the bad guys. I literally felt like I was watching the parody
that they do on Family Guy where it's just Steven beating baby seals.
I honestly felt bad for the bad guys, all they did was steal a train and
take people hostage, but he's just incredibly brutal to every one of them,
breaks like all their limbs and hangs them off the side of the train so
their face scrapes on the ground and stuff.

But seriously, I hate action movies but that's not what these are.
They're comedies and everyone is laughing at Steven, he just doesn't
know it yet.

.opt

*edit* AHAHAHAHAHA

[escobert]

OMFG haha his movies are the best things to laugth at

[Ichimonji]

I don't like Steven Seagal at all, nor do I like Arnold Schwarzenegger or all the other "Look at me, I can shoot things and act the exact same in every single role I play" actors. I'd much rather, as a stage performer, watch actors with remarkable talent. Actors such as: Dustin Hoffman or Sean Penn, whom can play a massive variety of different roles.

[-N-]

I love you for making this thread as much as I love making fun of Steven Seagal. Ever seen Will Sasso do it?

[Necronopticous]

Nothing is better than Seagal's frozen face.

[Breine]

I've never liked him or his hair o_O

[wakka]

He never gets touched in any of his movies.

In "Hard to Kill" he got shot by a shotgun twice and was in a coma for seven years.

[612904398619]

thats hard to imagine, i never see him get hurt in any of his movies either.

[krissy]

In "Hard to Kill" he got shot by a shotgun twice and was in a coma for seven years.

hard to kill is his best effort
emotional story

[Yamaneko]

lol

His movies are good for a laugh.

And Sasso did a great Seagal impression. Letterbox 2000!

[Mirage]

Steven Segal's got two moves. Block attack, and then hit stomach. Repeat until all enemies are defeated.

Yeah, I love making fun of him. Arnold is much better than him.

[Del Murder]

Yeah, Seagal is awesome.