Laugh it up.

[Logan]

The only funny ones I've heard lately are really sexist. I don't know any 'clean' jokes.

[Kirkpatrick]

"Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!...Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"

*dies laughing*

[DMKA]

"Wenn ist das Nunstruck git und Slotermeyer? Ja!...Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!"

[Jojee]

Iuno first joke that comes to mind, cos' I just read it somewhere:

Eskimo: If you don't know about God, do you still go to heaven?
Preacher: Yes.
Eskimo: Then why did you tell me!? >=|

[krissy]

what do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef

' ' with two legs?
lean beef

what about a cow that just gave birth?
decalfinated

[The Captain]

Keeping with the tradition from my first posted joke:

"My dog has no nose!"

"How does it smell?"

"Terrible!"


Take care all.

[Cloud57]

Okayyyyyyy~Hey ppl~~!!!!

[Dr.K]

One day a man is standing outside his car in the middle of the street, swearing audibly and looking very annoyed. A man walking along with no arms stops and asks him, "Whoa, whats up chum? The man replies "I've only gone and locked my freakin' keys in the car! And i've gotta get to work pronto!". The man with no arms replies "ooh, i can get them out for you. Give me, say, ten pounds and i'll do it". The other man was in disbelief, "you're crazy, but, i'm too desperate to care. Ok i'll give you ten pounds if you can get that car door open wise guy". So the armless man walked up to the car door, rubbed his backside against it for a few seconds, and the door clicked open. "How the HELL did you do that?" said the car owner. "Simple" the armless man replied...

...I WAS WEARING MY KHAKI TROUSERS!

*spasms with laughter and dies*

[Jojee]

That's horrible, Dr.K

[Kawaii Ryûkishi]

I imagine that one works better if you have a wacky English accent.

[Dr.K]

I imagine that one works better if you have a wacky English accent.

That only occured to me now actually...

[Creed]

This isnt a joke its a stupid story.....ahem*cough*

Ok there these 3 guys in a car going over the speed limit their name r shut up,poop,and crap......ok their going down the road at 199mph and the max is 80mph now crap puts down the window and poop goes flying out the window....shut up stops and tells crap to scoop up the poop on the road he says "tho we r gothics we keep the road clean"while crap is scooping up poop the sherriff come up to shut up ans says"u were going way over the limit im going to give u a tickit so whats ur name" "shut up" "what ur name" "shut up" "whats ur name" "shut up is my name" "whats ur name" Shut the hell up is my frekin name!!!" "dude watch ur mouth"....end

dont ask me about it it just came to mind and its funny to me.. :rolleyes2

[louby_4eva]

One day a man is standing outside his car in the middle of the street, swearing audibly and looking very annoyed. A man walking along with no arms stops and asks him, "Whoa, whats up chum? The man replies "I've only gone and locked my freakin' keys in the car! And i've gotta get to work pronto!". The man with no arms replies "ooh, i can get them out for you. Give me, say, ten pounds and i'll do it". The other man was in disbelief, "you're crazy, but, i'm too desperate to care. Ok i'll give you ten pounds if you can get that car door open wise guy". So the armless man walked up to the car door, rubbed his backside against it for a few seconds, and the door clicked open. "How the HELL did you do that?" said the car owner. "Simple" the armless man replied...

...I WAS WEARING MY KHAKI TROUSERS!

I love that one, had me in a giggle fit for ages. It's so funny. Best joke ever!

[krissy]

A blonde is driving down this country road, and sees a car pulled over with a man outside kneeling down and crying. The blonde stops, gets out and asks "Sir, why are you crying?"

The guy points to the ground and says "I just killed this poor little rabbit with my car."

The blonde looks at the dead rabbit and says "Hold on a second", and walks to her car. She comes back a minute later with a spray can and sprays something on the dead rabbit.
All of a sudden, the rabbit jumps up, looks at the guy and the blonde, waves at them and starts hopping down the road. Every few feet the rabbit would stop, turn around and wave at them again, then continue hopping down the road.

The guy says "That was a miracle, what was that stuff you sprayed on the rabbit?"
The blonde replies, "It's my new hair spray, see? It says right here on the can, brings life to dead hair and adds permanent wave."


*


A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "hey, why the long face?"

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "hey, is the bar-tender here?"

A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "Ya? You have a drink named Murray?"

*

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt.

[Lindy]

Keeping with the tradition from my first posted joke:

"My dog has no nose!"

"How does it smell?"

"Terrible!"


Take care all.

What made it funny was the "Take care all" at the end.

And why do all your funny jokes have to be racist or sexist or whatever? Besides, the funniest jokes are topical, or heavily off the cuff at the right moment with the right timing.

You can't just boil it down into a few lines of text, it needs delivery, it needs style and panache.

...I doubt any of you could tell a TRULY funny joke >_>