Wanna Look At My Lovely Research Paper?

[Precious Garnet]

Dunno which thread this topic would fit in so I decided to post it in here.

Please tell me what you think about my research paper, it's about William Shakespeare..I have to share it to the class on Monday. Oh..and I don't know what to put for my conclusion..so any suggestions? I know this is kinda stupid but my mind is blanked out.

Thesis statement is Shakespeare's fame and wealth all began in London.

Enjoy! Lol...

Shakespeare's Life in London

William Shakespeare lived with his family in Stratford until 1592. At the age of 28 he moved into London and lived alone in rented accomodations. It has been said that after getting caught poaching a deer on land owned by Sir Thomas Lucy of Charlecote Park, he decided to escape the consequences by running away. When William Shakespeare went to London, the modern theater was already taking shape. Back in 1576, when Shakespeare was still a schoolboy, an actor named James Burbage put up a building near London made for people performing plays. He called it the Theatre, a name now used for all playhouses. People of London loved seeing plays. Shakespeare's fame and wealth all began in London.


He joined a theatrical company called the Lord Stranges Company. Lord Strange died in 1593 and control of the company passed down into the hands of the Lord Chamberlain and was renamed, "The Lord Chamberlain's Men." Shakespeare was a playwright and actor for the Lord Chamberlain's Men and wrote many of his greatest roles like Othello, Hamlet, and King Lear for the leading actor, Richard Burbage. In 1598 the company tore down their north London theatre and built a new one, the open-air Globe. Shakespeare was one of the managers and owners of the new theater. The Lord Chamberlain's Men became the most largest and famous acting company because Shakespeare performed and worked for them. On January 1593, the theatres had to close due to a plague. Shakespeare took the time of the plague to writing poems and dedicated two long ones to the Earl of Southampton, who paid him greatly for the honor. He used it to invest in the Lord Chamberlain's Company. The plague lasted for two years and the theaters were able to open again.


Queen Elizabeth I and King James I ruled England during Shakespeare's time. Both were impressed with his work. The Lord Chamberlain's Men were Queen Elizabeth's favorite. She was a patron of theatres and actors who invited them every Christmas to act for her at the palace. In 1603 after the death of Queen Elizabeth with King James I ascending to the throne, the Lord Chamberlain's Men was taken under the king's patronage. It is now known as the King's Men Company. Shakespeare and the other actors became members of the royal household. All 154 of Shakespeare's sonnets were published by that time.


As an actor, writer, director, and stockholder in the King's Men Company, Shakespeare became really wealthy, due to high and multiple sources of income. In 1597, he bougnt New Place, which was one of the largest houses in Stratford. He retired in 1613 when he was about 47 and lived with his wife and children as a country gentlemen.


Shakespeare was well liked and respected among his community due to his ability to, according to Adrienne Wager, "create believable characters and memorable scenes that made an imprint on audiences of all types." He had became well known among the London professional theatre world and also as a poet. Robert Greene, a playwright, became so jealous with Shakespeare's work that he referred to him as "an upstart crow, beautified with our feathers."

[Social Moon Firesky]

Whoa! That's one helluva research paper!

[Ko Ko]

Robert Greene was jealous of Shakespeare?
...You learn something new every day.

Well done, it's an excellent thesis. :skull3:

[XxSephirothxX]

Can I ask what grade you're in? Depending on that, syntax, style, etc. could become a much more important part of your grade. Also, though it's not completely mandatory, I believe the thesis is supposed to be the last sentence of your introduction.

[Precious Garnet]

I'm in 9th grade.

*I moved the thesis statement to the end of my introduction*

Robert Greene was jealous of Shakespeare?
...You learn something new every day.

Well done, it's an excellent thesis.

Thanks!

[Meat Puppet]

Aren't you worried somebody might steal this, and CHEAT?

[XxSephirothxX]

I think your essay is quite good, but could be improved, like anything could.

[Resha]

That's a nice research paper. But Meat Puppet is right...those evil people...I forgot what they're called! ARGH. Oh yeah, plagiarism. People who plagiarise.

[Orestes]

Make it about 10 more pages and it *might* catch my attention.

[Chibi Youkai]

Yeah, but just by saying that, id apparently did catch your attention.
Yery intresting. But wow, that's like one paragraph for the essays our teacher makes us do.
You might want to consider expanding on your thoughts some. Mabye find some additional information, just little side things, like when you said Lord Strange died, you might want to put in how, if possible. I've found it's those sorts of things that get the best grades. But otherwise, it's nicely done.

[Precious Garnet]

Ok thanks I really appreciate all your opinions/suggestions.

I did a little more revising and here is what I got..

Shakespeare's Life in London


William Shakespeare lived with his family in Stratford until 1592. At the age of 28 he moved into London and lived alone in rented accomodations. It has been said that after getting caught poaching a deer on land owned by Sir Thomas Lucy of Charlecote Park, he decided to escape the consequences by running away. When William Shakespeare went to London, the modern theater was already taking shape. Back in 1576, when Shakespeare was still a schoolboy, an actor named James Burbage put up a building near London made for people performing plays. He called it the Theatre, a name now used for all playhouses. People of London loved seeing plays. Shakespeare's fame and wealth all began in London.


First of all he joined a theatrical company called the The Lord Chamberlain's Men. Shakespeare was a playwright and actor for the company and wrote many of his greatest roles like Othello, Hamlet, and King Lear for the leading actor, Richard Burbage. In 1598 the company tore down their north London theatre and built a new one, the open-air Globe. Shakespeare was one of the managers and owners of the new theater. The Lord Chamberlain's Men became the most largest and famous acting company because Shakespeare performed and worked for them. On January 1593, the theatres had to close due to a plague. During that time, Shakespeare took to writing poems and dedicated two long ones to the Earl of Southampton, who paid him greatly for the honor. He used it to invest in the Lord Chamberlain's Company. The plague lasted for two years and the theaters were able to open again.


Queen Elizabeth I and King James I ruled England during Shakespeare's time. Both were impressed with his work. In fact, The Lord Chamberlain's Men were Queen Elizabeth's favorite acting company. She was a patron of theatres and actors who invited them every Christmas to act for her at the palace. In 1603 after the death of Queen Elizabeth, King James I ascended to the throne and took the Lord Chamberlain's Men under his patronage. It was then known as the King's Men Company. Shakespeare and the other actors became members of the royal household. Currently, he was also able to sell octavo editions of his plays to the literate in his audience. According to Leigh Denault, "this also represents a first-never before had a playwright been so well-liked within his own time that his plays were sold like novels."


Overall, as an actor, writer, director, and stockholder in the King's Men Company, Shakespeare became really wealthy, due to high and multiple sources of income. In 1597, he bougnt New Place, which was one of the largest houses in Stratford. He retired in 1613 when he was about 47 and lived with his wife and children as a country gentlemen.


Shakespeare was well liked and respected among his community due to his ability to, according to Adrienne Wager, "create believable characters and memorable scenes that made an imprint on audiences of all types." He had became well known among the London professional theatre world and also as a poet. He even made Robert Greene, a playwright, so jealous that he referred to him as "an upstart crow, beautified with our feathers."


Given these facts, after running away from Stratford and starting his career in London, Shakespeare had became famous and wealthy due to his ability to please the audience with his work of acting and writing.

~

So what did you like best about my report? What evidence needs to be straightened? What part of my report is confusing? What information might be cut?

[boris no no]

That's a nice research paper. But Meat Puppet is right...those evil people...I forgot what they're called! ARGH. Oh yeah, plagiarism. People who plagiarise.

nasty people.
at uni a lecturer is sueing this woman who stole a whole load of his work and claimed it as her own! he's winning!
thats a good peice of work. well researched!
keep it up!

[Chemical]

Hey.

I'm taking College English, so I have a few ideas that might help you clarify your thesis. Although your paper is well done I do think you may want to reconsider the organization of the paper. Also, you may to keep flow in mind.

Althouh, I realise this is a little late, if you are interested on tips for future refferences, I don't mind taking the time.

Good luck with your presentation.

[Skogs]

Shakespeare's Life in London

William Shakespeare lived with his family in Stratford until 1592. At the age of 28 he moved into London and lived alone in rented accomodations. It has been said that after getting caught poaching a deer on land owned by Sir Thomas Lucy of Charlecote Park, he decided to escape the consequences by running away. When William Shakespeare went to London, the modern theater was already taking shape. Back in 1576, when Shakespeare was still a schoolboy, an actor named James Burbage put up a building near London made for people performing plays. He called it the Theatre, a name now used for all playhouses. People of London loved seeing plays. Shakespeare's fame and wealth all began in London.

The last two sentences seem a bit random and disjointed. You might want to think about varying the sentence structure and expanding on the one-line-fact sentences to put them in context a bit better.

First of all he joined a theatrical company called the The Lord Chamberlain's Men. Shakespeare was a playwright and actor for the company and wrote many of his greatest roles like Othello, Hamlet, and King Lear for the leading actor, Richard Burbage. In 1598 the company tore down their north London theatre and built a new one, the open-air Globe. Shakespeare was one of the managers and owners of the new theater. The Lord Chamberlain's Men became the most largest and famous acting company because Shakespeare performed and worked for them. On January 1593, the theatres had to close due to a plague. During that time, Shakespeare took to writing poems and dedicated two long ones to the Earl of Southampton, who paid him greatly for the honor. He used it to invest in the Lord Chamberlain's Company. The plague lasted for two years and the theaters were able to open again.

In each new paragraph, you should refer to your subject by name before using any pronouns (he, she, it). One minor grammar thing: use 'on' for specific dates, but for longer periods (months, years) you should use 'in' or 'during'. So, in this paragraphy it should be 'In January, 1593', or 'During January of 1593'. The last sentence would read better as 'The plague lasted for two years, after which the theaters were able to open again.'

Queen Elizabeth I and King James I ruled England during Shakespeare's time. Both were impressed with his work. In fact, The Lord Chamberlain's Men were Queen Elizabeth's favorite acting company. She was a patron of theatres and actors who invited them every Christmas to act for her at the palace. In 1603 after the death of Queen Elizabeth, King James I ascended to the throne and took the Lord Chamberlain's Men under his patronage. It was then known as the King's Men Company. Shakespeare and the other actors became members of the royal household. Currently, he was also able to sell octavo editions of his plays to the literate in his audience. According to Leigh Denault, "this also represents a first-never before had a playwright been so well-liked within his own time that his plays were sold like novels."

In the third sentence you use the pronoun again without establishing the person to whom it refers to as the 'subject' of the sentence. It might read better as 'The Queen was a patron...' You could possibly emphasise more the fact that the change in patronage led to the change in the name of the Company. You imply this, but it could be more clearly stated. Currently refers to the present tense and probably shouldn't be used in a historical paper.

Overall, as an actor, writer, director, and stockholder in the King's Men Company, Shakespeare became really wealthy, due to high and multiple sources of income. In 1597, he bougnt New Place, which was one of the largest houses in Stratford. He retired in 1613 when he was about 47 and lived with his wife and children as a country gentlemen.

Don't use really to express that something occurs in a high degree - very would be more appropriate. Really is more appropriate when emphasising truth of fact, which is not in question in that sentence.

Shakespeare was well liked and respected among his community due to his ability to, according to Adrienne Wager, "create believable characters and memorable scenes that made an imprint on audiences of all types." He had became well known among the London professional theatre world and also as a poet. He even made Robert Greene, a playwright, so jealous that he referred to him as "an upstart crow, beautified with our feathers."

Pretty good, though I reckon the second sentence would read better as 'He had became well known among the London professional theatre world as a playright and also as a poet.'

Given these facts, after running away from Stratford and starting his career in London, Shakespeare had became famous and wealthy due to his ability to please the audience with his work of acting and writing.

This is a bit of a throwaway conclusion. You can lose the 'given these facts' bit - it's not neccessary. Try to speak about his achievements in broader terms in the conclusion and don't focus on the relatively minor events. The role of the conclusion in this kind of essay is to summarise in a broad sense what was in your essay, and to speak a bit more generally about Shakespeare's role in literary and theeatrical history.

I accept that I'm a university student reviewing a 9th grade essay, but there are some relatively minor changes that would turn a good essay into an excellent one.