Quote Originally Posted by Dave Barry
"Cheating in livestock shows is illegal, and punishable by fines, or even prison. ('What are you in for?' 'Murder. An you?' 'Udder tampering.' 'YIKES!') But how do you catch the cheaters? The tampering is invisible to the naked eyeball, and most cows are too loyal, or just plain too scared to squeal on their fitters. Fortunately, there is hope, thanks to the work of top cow scientists at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. These scientists have developed a technique using ultrasound, to check udders for tampering. There's a photo in the newspaper showing university veterinarian Robert OBrien squatting under a suspected cow, peering intently at an electronic device while holding some kind of sensor against the cow's udder, looming large overhead. You look at this dramatic photo, and you cannot help but envision it as the basis for a major film--Udder Patrol, starring Tom Cruise as a maverick investigative veterinarian; Nicholas Cage as a cow fitter gone bad; and Pamela Lee Anderson as herself."
So, how do you feel about those horrible fiends who tamper with udders to cheat in the livestock shows?

Even better, how do you feel about Dave Barry?