Well, I ended up using the plastic bag method. I did what Boris said, line the toilet with the bag. However, it was still VERY different from using a regular toilet. I now know why they have water in toilets: It suppresses that god aweful smell. It's also strange, because instead of hearing the regular "plop" sound when the crap hits the water, you hear the ruffling sound of a grocery bag.

Also, I did not throw it over to my neighbors yard, as Boris suggested. I threw it in the trashcan outside. Now it is currently sitting in a black garbage can in the smoldering Arizona heat. I do NOT want to open that thing! I will do it though, just for a laugh.

Also, just a little info on my house. It was built in 1950, and it has the biggest septic tank in the state of Arizona. In fact, it is so big that you never need to empty it. Well, you apparently do fifty years later, but whatever. Here is the big problem: Nobody knows where the septic tank is. It's never had to be emptied until now. Apparently, if the old owner of this house can't tell us where the tank is, we are going to have to have an infra red team (whatever the hell that is..) come and find it for us.