YOU MIGHT BE HHH IF ....

…You list "ability to cut twenty minute promos" as a skill on your resume.

…You became a pro wrestler just to meet women who will inevitably become incredibly unattractive five years after you hook up with them.

…You convince your boss to hire your old buddies, even though they're known drunks and can't walk five feet without snapping an ankle.

…You think tearing a quad automatically makes you a hero.

…You can honestly say, "Yeah, I carried Henry O. Goodwin's ass".

…You refer to Batista and Randy Orton as "substitute Hall and Nash".

…You boycotted the Oscars after being snubbed for best supporting vampire.

…You call your dad "boss", his daughter "wife", and your stepmother "just in case Stephanie leaves me…"

…You try to build the gut kick as a legitimate finishing move.

…The last person to no sell your finisher was the Ultimate Warrior.

…You make Ric Flair kiss your ass, because it's not like he's a legend or anything.

…You have Motorhead play at your nephew's birthday party on a whim.

…You fear the day you ever have to face The Undertaker again, because you forget who's not supposed to sell what.

…You believe spitting water is intimidating.

…You use a sledgehammer as a weapon, but only hit people with the wooden end.

…You refer to the under card as "future dinners".

…You refer to your wife as "that bitch I stole from Test".

…You make people flick the lights on and off rapidly before entering a room.

…You grew mutton chops to regain "street cred".

…The only thing you'd ever admit jobbing to is Buzz Beer.

…You claim the only reason why you harbor ill towards Chris Jericho is because "he ran over my damned bulldog, remember?"

…The job you're best suited for is "grave digger" and the least are "salesman" and "unemployment officer".

…Your favorite vegetable is "squash".

…You claim to be responsible for the comeback of the iron cross logo.

…You still have no idea what the nickname "The Game" means.

…The last time your friends headed South for a promotion, you cried in-ring. Now, you just loan them old girlfriends and send them a postcard.

…You've been to Chyna, and currently reside in Thigh-land.

…You wonder why your book about weight lifting is being outsold by The DaVinci Code.

…The whole world knows you're "not particularly ball-hairy".

…The most scientific move you use is the Indian death lock.

…People still rib you about that whole "there's a lot of bi-things I am…" bit from a couple of years back.

…You refer to the WCW/ECW influx from 2001 as "when Vince doubled what to feed me".

…You wonder why people didn't congratulate you after your ***** classic with Scott Steiner.

…You've been on top of Mic Foley more times than his wife has.

…Every time you hear the number "2" announced, you instantaneously and impulsively thrust your legs up.

…You've never thrown up in your life, because when you put something down, it STAYS down.

…You consider the running knee attack a "high intensity move".

…You refer to dead people as "pedigreed".

…Whenever you hear the phrase "suck it", you say "ah, sweet memories. No, no, not like that!"

…You're pissed at Jesus for stealing Shawn Michaels away from you.

…You own a glass ceiling with Benoit's forehead prints on it.

…You've been outwrestled by Duke the Dumpster.

…People pay you to use your nose as a ski slope.

…Your forehead is big enough to hold it's own PPV.

…The only thing Mark Henry can't lift is your ego.

…You honestly believe you earned your position through hard work and determination, not because you're currently banging the boss man's daughter.