TOOTH FAIRY!
Okay, now I haven't lost any teeth even though I haven't been to the dentist in about a decade and I kind of like the cartoon physics behind tying your tooth to a doorknob and slamming the door even though they never show how the person manages to tie a little bow around their tooth inside their mouth and everything and maybe I should market pre-tied-teeth-nooses for the extracting of bothersome gnashers complete with spray-on laughing gas except then you might laugh too much and bite off your hand when you're tying the tooth-noose to your tooth, goose, and how does the tooth fairy put the money under your pillow without waking you up anyway I think that was in an eoff thread somewhere I don't smoke but I only use Red Seal Smoker's Toothpaste because it tastes better than every other toothpaste which in comparison is just weak and sugary and why have sugar when you can have way too much coffee and therefore coffee stains, hm? I will never use whitening-strips on my teeth, although I am tempted to buy a bottle of tooth whitener and twink [white-out] and swap the labels on them, as if they were chapstick [lip gloss] and a gluestick. The new toothbrush fad introduces the notion that one must brush one's tounge in order to remove bacteria, because flossing, brushing and gargling is no longer enough in the fight against tooth decay. I say we eat only applesauce and other things that don't need chewing. Like coffee. Or, perhaps, to save years of torment and regimentation and dentists's appointments, we should tear all of our teeth out [Bruce Willis in 12 Monkeys!] in a pre-emptive strike against dental dictatorship, and all use false gnashers instead. In conclusion, I am going to go buy a new toothbrush now. I think it will be purple.
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