Street Fighter Alpha: How a Series goes from bad to worse.
Eventually, believe it or not, people got sick of Capcom releasing the same game over and over and over again. I'm sure this made Capcom very sad, and I'm sure if they had their way, we'd eagrly be awaiting the next installment of Street Fighter Two.
So, pressured with the task to come up with a new game, Capcom thought to themselves, "hey, what if we take the same game, and add a couple more characters!"
"Wait, haven't we been doing that already?"
"Yeah, but this time we'll anime it up. Kids seem to like Anime!"
"Awesome! Now our stupid stereotypical characters will be stuid generic anime styerotypes!"
And with that a new abomination was born, the Alpha series, adding a cast of misfits that make the original cast look like Saints:
Adon: What was Sagat's biggest shortcoming? NOT GAY ENOUGH! So in comes Adon with his cringe inducing voice and hair straight out of a college production of the movie Hairspray. I really can't say much about this guy because every time I try to select him my head fills with rage and I pass out.
Birdie: Strike Three, Capcom's out. I don't even know what to make of this thing. I don't know if that thing on his head is hair, a growth defect, or some manner of hood ornament, all I know is that I hate this idiot and his big stupid arms.
Charlie: Okay, here we finally get to meet the guy that M. Bison killed that got Guile's panties in a bunch. Which I don't understand how anyone could miss this idiot if he died. Capcom brances out, deciding that Ryu clones weren't enough, that other characters needed exact copies too.
Cody: I don't know what this guy is doing in a Street Fighter game. This guy looks like a Run-away extra from O Brother Where Art Thou. Every time I see him the Big Rock Candy mountain starts playing in my head, and I can't concentrate on the game.
Dan: Okay, I got nothing bad to say about this guy. He's awesome
Gen: You're typical Pei-Mei style old martial arts guy that is required to be in every fighting game produced in Japan. I guess Capcom didn't recieve the memo until the Saturn came out, but regardless, they added another overdone cliche to their already impressive lineup. Even better is this old duff is Capcom's pathetic attempt at a Soul-Calibur style stance change.
Guy: Honsestly, I don't know a damn thing about guy, nore do I care to learn.
Juli and Juni: The sad part is, Juli and Juni are the most interesting characters in SFA, mainly because they're the only ones who manage to shut up every now and then. Every single idiot seems to want to sum up their life's story in their victory quote, but these two seem to be the only ones who realize that that not every single word needs to be overdramatized. Still, as useless clones, I hate them on principle.
Karin: Has anyone at Capcom ever talked to a woman? Could they even try to base one person on how actual people live, and talk? If I met someone in real life who was even half the bitch Karin was, chances are I'd either walked into an S&M torture chamber or an Al-Queda recruitment camp.
R. Mika: I never thought they'd out-whore Cammy. I'm saddened to say I was very, very wrong. Look at her, her outfit looks like something that would make Howard Stern blush. She's got a thing for Zangeif, to bad he's so darn gay.
Rolento: See Dan
Rose: Okay, here's where Street Fighter's plot *snicker* goes from Bad to a type of bad that can only come in the form of anime. Apperently she's the good bison, or his soul, or some crap like that. I don't know, I'm always too busy laughing at SF's cutscenes to know what's really going on. The point is, at least in SF2, it was more or less based on reality. There really are people who do Karate, Sumo, and Yoga. But I'll be damned if I can take the good female soul of M. Bison seriously.
Sakura: Ah, the archtype, cute schoolgirl. I swear, Capcom doesn't have one orginal bone in their bodies. Like with Chun-li, Sakura carries on the legacy of flashing her undewear no matter what move she does, even if it's the damn Light Punch. I wish every time I was being hit by a girl (which is a lot) her skirt would magically fly up and I could see her butt-cheeks.
Sodom: You know how I could make the easy joke about Sodom's name sounding like "Sodomy" and it being a parallel to how all these loonies take it up the ass? Yeah, I'm gonna go with the easy joke here.
Originally Posted by KuRt
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