you shouldn't love....Originally Posted by Francis Begbie
you shouldn't love....
Trust No one
I was told a few jokes today.
'My friend is so fat when she walks into a bar she already has a hangover'.
and
'How do New Zealanders find sheep on a beach?'
'Very Sexy'.
I like the NZ one best xD
Being sick isn't a good thing.
Anyway, here's the best joke in the world -
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side!
hahahahahah!!!!
Insane people make knives out out of bars of soap.
Ah, nothing breaks the ice like a good pedophile joke.
….seriously though, seek help.
I would advise the same, AND we all know that NWO stands for Norwegian World Order!
:joey:
What does DNA stand for?
National Dyslexia Association.
xD
What colour is a house made of red bricks?
-Red..?
What colour is a house made of blue bricks?
-Blue
What colour is a house made out of greenbricks?
-Green..?
WRONG
See through.. A green house!
Last edited by Zeldy; 06-02-2005 at 04:31 PM.
lol
Wat
is
going
on
wtf
rawr
A woman walks into a shop looking to buy a TV.
She asks the assistant, "Can I buy that TV up there?"
And he replies, "Sorry we don't serve women in here."
So she leaves, buys a wig and goes back in.
She asks the assistant, "Can I buy that TV up there?"
And he replies, "Sorry we don't serve women in here."
So she leaves, buys a fake moustache' and goes back in.
She asks the assistant, "Can I buy that TV up there?"
And he replies, "Sorry we don't serve women in here."
So she leaves, buys some male clothing and puts on a really deep voice and goes back in.
She asks the assistant, "Can I buy that TV up there?"
And he replies, "Sorry we don't serve women in here."
"How do you know I'm a woman?!"
"Well first of all its a microwave."
I shouldn't be encouraging this kind of joke, because I'm a female, but when my friend told me, I found it funny.
That's a good one, Jess!
Should've Done Something
But I've Done It Enough
By The Way Your Hands Were Shaking
Rather Waste My Time With You
Should've Said Something
But I've Said It Enough
By The Way My Words Were Faded
Rather Waste My Time With You
I just about lost my juice when I caught that one.
A bear strolls through Billings, Montana, and goes into a bar. He walks through the door, leans his huge body up against the bar, and growls, "Gimme a beer!"
"Sorry," says the bartender, "we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
"Dammit, I said gimme a beer!"
"I told you, we don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
On huge hair arm thrusts out and a paw points at a middle-aged woman in the corner. "You see that barfly there! If you don't gimme a beer right #$##in' now, I'm gonna eat that barfly!"
"Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings who are bullies."
The bear simply growls, walks over to the barfly--and sure enough, he eats her. He comes back to the bar, wipes the blood off his lips with one huge paw and says, "NOW you gonna gimme a beer?"
"Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings who are bullies, who are also on drugs."
"DRUGS?!? What the hell are you talkin' about?"
"That was a bar-bitch-you-ate."
------------------------
During the latter days of the Old West, during the days of cattle drives and gunfighters, there was a kid who wanted nothing more than to be the fastest gun in the West--he wasn't a very bright kid, see?
So he practiced and practiced and practiced, and he was fast, but he knew he still wasn't the fastest there was.
One night he was settin' around in a saloon and he saw an old man he recognized--because back in his day, this old man had been the fastest gun there was; in the West or anywhere. So he walked up to the old fellow, bought him a drink, and explained his situation--and then asked if the old-timer had any tips.
"Well, first off, y'holster's ridin' too high on y'laig. Lower it jus' a mite, so's it comes more natural to y'hand."
"Will a little thing like that really make me a better gunfighter?"
"Sho' will."
So the kid took off the gunbelt, adjusted it a bit, strapped it back on, and made sure it was good an' low on his leg. Then he stood up, whipped that gun out like greased lightning, and the cufflink flew off the piano-player's wrist as the gunshot boomed through the small room.
"Whoa, that really did help! Got any other tips?"
"Ayup... Cut a notch in y'holster, right where th'hammer rides, so's it won't scrape on th'way out."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"Sho' will"
So the kid took off his gunbelt again, set the pistol on the table, then drew his Bowie knife and cut a notch in the holster. He inspected his handywork, then slid the pistol back in to see how it fit, smiled, stood, and strapped on the gunbelt. This time the gun just about lept into his hand, and as the gunshot cracked across the saloon-room the coal went flying right off the piano-player's cigar.
"Whoa.... That really did work... Got any other tips for me?"
"Ayup.... See that bucket of axle grease over there? Coat y'gun with it."
This certainly makes sense, so the kid grabs a handful of grease and slathers it over the barrel of his pistol
"Naw, boy--coat th'whole thing; handle an' all."
"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"
"Naw... But when Wyatt Earp gits done playin' th'pianer, he's gonna come over here an' shove that gun right up y'ass--an' this way, it won't hurt s'much."
hahaha. those are funny! lol x x x x
Insane people make knives out out of bars of soap.
There was a black man, white man, Chinese man. One day they were hit by a truck and they went to hell. The devil was waiting at the gate of hell. He said, "I have a test for each of you. I want you to put your penises in my hand and if the melt you have to work of rme forever. However ir it doesn't you can go to heaven." The white man went first. His penis melted. The devil said,"You have the task of washing my underwear." The Chinese man went and his penis was too small to go into the devil's hand. The devil said,"You have the task of washing my sheets." The black man went and his penis didn't melt. The devil stood there amazed and said, "Why doesn't your penis melt?" The black man smiled and said, "Melts in your mouth not in your hand."
(Not trying to be racist)
Momma jokes
Yo momma so fat when she went into the ocean the whales startd singing, "We Are Family"
Yo mooma so fat when she when outside with a yellow shirt on someone yelld out, "Hey,Taxi!"
Yo momma so dumb when she was told to act her own age she died.
Yo momma so dumb she thought Rush Limbaugh was a fast dance.
Yo momma so ugly when she when into a haunted house she came out with a job application.
Last edited by FiragaBreak; 06-02-2005 at 07:02 PM.
Yo mamma so fat she walks across the room and the radio skips.
Yo mamma so bald when she puts on a turtleneck sweater she looks like a busted condom.
What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead woodchucks?
You can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
Why do some blondes have bruises on their belly-buttons?
Because blonde guys ain't too bright either.
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