Longest:
Homophobia makes you look fat - Kuja
Your body and you...and the guy who controls it - Cloud Strife and Sephiroth
Proper haircare - Amarant Corel
Choosing Mascara - Steiner
Bill Clinton didn't put up with this crap! *ribbit* - Regent Cid
Anthology of my restraining orders - Zidane Tribal
Shortest:
Choosing the proper mate based on personality and shared interests - Don Corneo