Longest:

Hair Gel and You
-Cloud Strife

Beauty Sleep and the Art of Hibernation
-Celes Chere, Vincent Valentine

Stick and Stones May Break My Bones, but Whips and Chains Are Sexy
-Quistis Trepe

How To Successfully Not Do Your Own Dirty Work
Sephiroth, Sorceress Ultimecia, Garland

Weapons? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Weapons!
Sabin Rene Figaro, Tifa Lockheart, Zell Dincht, Rikku....

Shortest:

CONVERSATION
-Fujin

Awesome Dye Jobs
-Paine, Seymour Guado, Terra Branford, Faris.....

You Use This Diet, You Lose Much Weight
-Quina Quen

101 Ways To Defeat Your Enemy
-Tonberry

Effective Ways To Make New Friends
-Squall Leonhart