Favourite TV quotes

[I Don't Need A Name]

Mine is
New Tricks- If you dont get your hand off my tit, ill break your wrist!

[Hawkeye]

mash ( :P )-

Im not sleeping, im inspecting the inside of my eyelids

[Cruise Control]

King of the hill-"Why you failin Egnlish Booby? You speak it don't you?"

[Zell's Fists of Fury]

Rats off to ya!

[Dreddz]

Tweety - I thought I saw a putty cat, I did, I did see a putty cat

[I Don't Need A Name]

Lenny Henry Show- I DONT FINK SO!!! or Hello my name is Lister and this is my SHOP!

[Kirobaito]

"Ours is not the reason why, but to blow this joint before we die." - Rattrap, Beast Wars

[Miriel]

"Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?" Karen, Will & Grace.

[Meat Puppet]

kshskssshhsskwhwklsksskskksssttskkskswugwuskwssshkskhs (roughly) - static

[louby_4eva]

'I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it' - Spike (Buffy the vampire slayer)

Smile and Be happy

[Odaisé Gaelach]

Jack Bauer: I haven't slept in 24 hours, I've killed 2 people since midnight, so maybe you should be more afraid of me than you are now.
24

EDIT:
Father Ted: Oh, no Dougal, listen to me! There's a bomb on the milk float!
Father Dougal: A bomb, right. Who's that for?
Father Ted: Speed 3

[ShivaBlizzard8]

“You know, they say when you talk to God it's religion, but when God talks to you, it's schizophrenia.” - Mulder, X-Files

"Everything I've ever done or said is the complete opposite of what I've wanted." - George, Seinfeld

"Alcohol: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems." - Homer, The Simpsons

"What a unique device, the human tush. An architectural marvel, one of a kind... actually two of a kind. Designed to support our weight for a lifetime of sitting, it also has the subtlety to do the samba. And when attached to certain members of the female species at a time when light summer dresses are worn can cause some of us to drive our cars straight up a lamp post." - Hawkeye, MASH

“Life is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for. Unreturnable, because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So you're stuck with this undefinable whipped-mint crap that you mindlessly wolf down when there's nothing else left to eat. Sure, once in a while, there's a peanut butter cup, or an English toffee. But they're gone too fast, the taste is fleeting. Soon enough you end up with nothing but broken bits, filled with hardened jelly and teeth-crunching nuts, and if you're desperate enough to eat those, all you've got left is an empty box. . . filled with useless, brown paper wrappers.” - Cigarette Smoking Man, X-Files

“Seventy-five years is enough. Take my word for it. You live forever, sooner or later you start to think about the big thing you're missing and that everybody else gets to find out about but you. Forty years ago I drove down to the city hall, down to the hall of records... record archives, whatever they call it. I wanted to look up my wife. It... bothered me I couldn't remember her name. Love lasts... seventy-five years, if you're lucky. You don't want to be around when it's gone.” - Arthur Fellig, X-Files

[Destai]

"Damn You Woman!"- Stewie, Family Guy.

[Breine]

"How are you doin'?" - Joey from Friends.

I also have a lot of favourite quotes from Buffy the vampire slayer and Angel... But there are far too many to post them here, so instead I'll just stick to the one above.

[ThroneofDravaris]

Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

[Quagmire sees a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall]
Quagmire: Dear diary: Jackpot.

Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You're first.
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is goin'! Giggidy, giggidy, gig-gi-dy!

Quagmire: (Running through mall and accidentally into the camera room)-Where am I, am I dead?
Security Gaurd:No, this is where we monitor all the dressing rooms in the mall so we can keep an eye out for shoplifters.
(Woman on Monitor has heart attack)
Quagmire: Oh my god! That one's having a heart attack(Runs to womans dressing room)
QuagmireRubs womans chest and breaths in her mouth)
(Woman Becomes concious)
Woman#2:That was amazing.
Woman#3:You saved her life.
Woman#4:Thank god you know CPR.
Quagmire:What the hell is CPR?

Glen Quagmire: Hello, 911? It's Quagmire. Yeah, it's caught in the window this time.

Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe Swanson: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
[Pause]
Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.

Quagmire: Fat chicks need love too...they just have to PAY!

Peter: I'm gonna go microwave a bagel and have sex with it.
Quagmire: Butter's in the fridge!

Hehe All-right!