Yeah! This is like...the second thing he's done. Man, he might actually get a single vote next time for Best CK.
Yeah! This is like...the second thing he's done. Man, he might actually get a single vote next time for Best CK.
Recognized Member
He wishes. That feature has always been there.Originally Posted by Del Murder
Yams does it again!
Hello Pika Art by Dr Unne ~~~ godhatesfraggles
See what she does to me, guys?
Recognized Member
Well yeah, but you're still next on my list for Admin.
Hello Pika Art by Dr Unne ~~~ godhatesfraggles
Look on, members of EoFF, at how Leeza unfairly antagonizes the poor victim that is Yams!
Recognized Member
Oh, I antagonize him fairly enough.
Hello Pika Art by Dr Unne ~~~ godhatesfraggles
She lies! Bring on the witch burning!
Boil 'er, mash 'er, stick 'er in a stew.
To be honest 2002 is kind of the cutoff point for newbies though.
(A village. Sound of chanting of Latin canon, punctuated by short, sharp cracks. It comes nearer. We see it is a line of MONKS ala SEVENTH SEAL flagellation scene, chanting and banging themselves on the foreheads with wooden boards. They pass a group of villagers who are dragging a beautiful YOUNG WOMAN dressed as a witch through the streets. They drag her to a strange house/ruin standing on a hill outside the village. A strange-looking knight stands outside, SIR BEDEVERE.)She lies! Bring on the witch burning!
FIRST VILLAGER: We have found a witch, may we burn her?
CROWD: BURN!! BUUUURN HER!
BEDEVERE: But how do you *know* she is a witch?
FIRST VILLAGER: She looks like one!
OTHER VILLAGERS: Yeah! She looks like one!!!
BEDEVERE: Bring her forward.
(They bring her forward - a beautiful YOUNG GIRL (MISS ISLINGTON) dressed up as a witch. She is dressed all in black, has a carrot tied around her face on top of her nose, and a black paper hat on her head. She talks funny because her nose is closed by the carrot.)
WITCH: I'm not a witch, I'm not a witch!
BEDEVERE: Er,...but you are dressed as one.
WITCH: THEY dressed me up like this.
ALL VILLAGERS: No! nooo! We didn't! We didn't!
WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!
(BEDEVERE lifts up the carrot to reveal the woman's real nose, which is in fact rather small.)
BEDEVERE: Well?
FIRST VILLAGER: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEVERE: The nose?
FIRST VILLAGER: And the Hat. But she's a witch!
ALL VILLAGERS: Yeah! Burn her! Burn! Burn her!
BEDEVERE: Did you dress her up like this?
ALL VILLAGERS: NO! No, no, no, no, no, no...
RANDOM VILLAGER: yes.
ALL VILLAGERS: yes. yes. yes. A bit. yes. a bit. a bit.
FIRST VILLAGER: (hopefully) She has got a wart...
BEDEVERE: What makes you think she is a witch?
SECOND VILLAGER: Well, She turned me into a newt!!
BEDEVERE: (after a pause) a newt?
(Others stare and look at SECOND VILLAGER, who is plainly a human, not a newt.)
SECOND VILLAGER: (Notices the stares. After a pause:) I got better...
VILLAGERS: BURN HER anyway! BURN! BURN! BURN HER!
BEDEVERE: Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
(ARTHUR and PATSY ride up at this point and watch what follows with interest)
ALL VILLAGERS: Are there? There are? What are they? Tell us! Do they hurt?
BEDEVERE: Tell me ... What do you do with witches?
VILLAGERS: BUUUURN!!!!! BUUUUUURRRRNN!!!!! You BURN them!!!! BURN!!
ALL VILLAGERS: Burn them! Burn them! Burn them up!
BEDEVERE: And what do you burn apart from witches?
FIRST VILLAGER: More witches!
SECOND VILLAGER: Sh!
THIRD VILLAGER: Wood!
BEDEVERE: So why do witches burn?
(long silence, shuffling of feet by the villagers)
FOURTH VILLAGER: (pianissimo) ... Because they're made of wood...?
BEDEVERE: Goooood!
(PEASANTS stir uneasily then come round to this conclusion.)
ALL VILLAGERS: Oh! Oh yeah!
BEDEVERE: So. How do we tell whether she is made of wood?
FIRST VILLAGER: Build a bridge out of her!
BEDEVERE: Ah ... but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
ALL VILLAGERS: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Uhh...
BEDEVERE: Uh, does wood sink in water?
ONE VILLAGER: No! No! No! It floats! It floats!
ANOTHER VILLAGER: Throw her into the pond! The pond!
ALL VILLAGERS: yaaaaaa!
(when order is restored)
BEDEVERE: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER: Bread!
ANOTHER VILLAGER: Apples!
ANOTHER VILLAGER: Uh...very small rocks!
ANOTHER VILLAGER: Cider!
ANOTHER VILLAGER: Uh...great gravy!
ANOTHER VILLAGER: Cherries!
ANOTHER VILLAGER: Mud!
ANOTHER VILLAGER: Churches! Churches!
ANOTHER VILLAGER: Lead! Lead!
ARTHUR: A duck!
(They all turn and look at ARTHUR. BEDEVERE looks up very impressed.)
VILLAGERS: (in amazement) ooooooh!
BEDEVERE: exACTly!
BEDEVERE: (to FIRST VILLAGER) So, *logically*...
FIRST VILLAGER: (very slowly, with pauses between each word) If...she...weighs the same as a duck......she's made of wood.
BEDEVERE: and therefore...
(pause)
FIRST VILLAGER: A Witch!
ALL VILLAGERS: A WITCH!
I expected a "she turned me into a newt!" comment from somebody, not the whole bloody transcript.
what can I say, I'm incredibly thorough.
That made my day!
She turned me into a newt!
Recognized Member
I'd rather turn you into a Mute.
Hello Pika Art by Dr Unne ~~~ godhatesfraggles
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