The joke thread!!

[Xaven]

My friend told this to my other friend when she was crying because she lost her cell phone on a school trip.

Okay, so there was this truck full of Oreo's and they were all dancing. The truck driver got mad, opened the back of the truck and said, "You better stop dancing or I'll throw you in the ocean!" He started the truck and resumed driving. A few minutes later, the truck was shaking because the Oreo's were dancing again so the truck driver stopped, opened the back, and all the Oreo's stopped dancing. But, one little Oreo kept dancing, so the driver chucked him in the ocean!

A married couple was on a romantic cruise when the wife's wedding ring fell into the ocean. The husband says, "It'll be alright. I'll buy you a new ring." Later that night, as the couple were at dinner, the waiter asked what they would like for dinner. They both decided on clams. A while later, they revieved their food. When they opened the last clam, what did they find? (SPOILER)An OREO!!

You may not find it funny, but we all cracked up like hell!

[boys from the dwarf]

three men walk into a bar.ouch,ouch,ouch.

what do you do if you run over aeris?
reverse to make sure!

[WildRaubtier]

A man is visiting the doctor when he is told "I'm sorry sir, but you have cancer."

To which the Man relpies: "I want a second opinion!"

So the doctor writes the man a referral to a Specialist in the type of cancer the man has.

[Old Manus]

There was a group of cowboys. They were sitting around the campfire telling stories of their travels. The stories got wilder and wilder, until someone said "I know an Indian chief who never forgets anything." The others disagreed and told him he had to much to drink. But the cowboy said "It's true! May the devil take my soul if I am wrong."

Now, the devil happened to be listening, so he decided to check this chief out. He went to the indian camp, and asked the chief "Do you like beans?". The chief nodded. The devil left.

Twenty years on, the cowboy died. The devil saw his chance to take his soul, and went to the chief again to prove the cowboy's theory wrong. He came up to the chief, and greeted him with "How." and sticking his hand in the air. Then the chief said "On toast." The devil left.

[kawaiileena]

Embarrassed

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone!

So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.

The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said:

"You know, I have a special gift. I can read minds."

"Impossible" said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I think?"

"Yes," the lady replied. "Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom."

Ps: This really cracked me! XD

[Bomber]

The following anecdote is courtesy of Rinkworks' Church Bulletin Bloopers:

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"

[DK]

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she has no arms.

This one is my favourite joke, well it was when I was fourteen anyway.

One day, this lady is walking down the street through town doing her shopping. She is about six months pregnant, and she is going to have triplets. Anyway, she's walking past the bank when suddenly a robber bursts out and tries to get past her. Even in her condition, she tries to do the right thing and stop him, but he shoots her three times in the stomach, and she passes out. When she wakes in hospital, the first thing she asks the doctor is "Are my babies okay?" The doctor replies with "Yes, ma'am, your babies are fine. We can't locate the bullets, but everything is A-Ok".

The Lady is happy, and she recovers fully. 3 months later, she gives birth to her perfect healthy triplets, two girls and a boy. They all grow up healthly and happily, until one day 16 years later, when the mother is doing her laundry, she hears one of the girls crying.

"What's wrong?" The mother asks. "I was having a wee and a bullet came out." Sobs the girl. The mother smiles and explains to her daughter what happened With the robber all those years ago, and everything is fine. Next month, the mother is doing laundry again when she hears the other daughter crying.

"What's wrong?" Asks the mother, and the daughter replies "I was having a wee and a bullet came out." Mother smiles and explains the story once more, and everything is okay again. Next month, while doing laundry, she finds her son almost in tears. With a knowing smile, she asks:

"Let me guess, you were having a pee and a bullet came out, right?" "No," the boy replies, "I was having a wank and I shot the dog!"

I love that joke. xD

[Levian]

Why did the little girl fall off the swing? Because she has no arms.

This one is my favourite joke, well it was when I was fourteen anyway.

One day, this lady is walking down the street through town doing her shopping. She is about six months pregnant, and she is going to have triplets. Anyway, she's walking past the bank when suddenly a robber bursts out and tries to get past her. Even in her condition, she tries to do the right thing and stop him, but he shoots her three times in the stomach, and she passes out. When she wakes in hospital, the first thing she asks the doctor is "Are my babies okay?" The doctor replies with "Yes, ma'am, your babies are fine. We can't locate the bullets, but everything is A-Ok".

The Lady is happy, and she recovers fully. 3 months later, she gives birth to her perfect healthy triplets, two girls and a boy. They all grow up healthly and happily, until one day 16 years later, when the mother is doing her laundry, she hears one of the girls crying.

"What's wrong?" The mother asks. "I was having a wee and a bullet came out." Sobs the girl. The mother smiles and explains to her daughter what happened With the robber all those years ago, and everything is fine. Next month, the mother is doing laundry again when she hears the other daughter crying.

"What's wrong?" Asks the mother, and the daughter replies "I was having a wee and a bullet came out." Mother smiles and explains the story once more, and everything is okay again. Next month, while doing laundry, she finds her son almost in tears. With a knowing smile, she asks:

"Let me guess, you were having a pee and a bullet came out, right?" "No," the boy replies, "I was having a wank and I shot the dog!"

I love that joke. xD

wtf xDDD great joke.

[nik0tine]

wtf xDDD great joke.

Agreed.

[faster skating penguin]

Alright, so an Irish man walks out of a bar ...


...


...



HAHAHAHAHAHA

[nik0tine]

[Shoden]

lmao amazing


an English irishmen and a scotsmen were busted and thrown in the slammer for 30 years


the 3 were struggling copper comes in

"alright you can all have one luxury each"

Englishmen: "me porn a cannot live without me precious porn"
Scotsmen: "whiskey! god a love it"
irishmen: "me fags a cannot live without em really"

(fags = cigarettes)


30 years later they are free to go copper lets the englishmen out first he is practically blind and says

"30 years already a was right in the mid of that good movie with teh blonde whore ok"
he was all over the place and falls over outside


Scotsmen: *drunk mumbling* he walks out and pukes then he collapses


Irishmen: he's shaking and traumatized

"a light a light! i need a [img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img]ing light!"

[The Jamie Star Scenario]

There once was a man and he died.

I knew that man and I still find that joke funny.

All jokes and games are funny till someone gets hurt, then they are hilarious.

[ScottNUMBERS]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

[Giga Guess]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Simple. Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame unique rabbit?
Tame way. Unique up on it.

What's an eskimo get from sitting on an iceberg too long?
Polaroids.