Humorous Answering Machine Messages.

[Agent Proto]

Alright, so I was looking online and I found a bunch of fake messages one could use on their answering machines. Anyway, the point is to have you also create some your own messages, you can make them funny, straight to the point, or whatever.

Anyway, here are some examples of Answering Maching messages that I came up with.

• "You know what I hate about answering machine messages? They go on and on, wasting your time. I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. I pledge to you, my caller, that you will never have to suffer through another long answering machine message when you call me..."

• "Hi. Now you say something."

• Drawling granny voice: "Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot."

• "Thank you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak to me, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to my room mate, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone system."

• In a bored voice: "Heaven, God speaking..."

• "I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message."

• Darth Vader voice: "Speak, worm!"

• "This is you-know who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what you-know-when."

• "Hi. Do you ever feel, like, your head is full of sand, not your regular loose sand mind you, but compacted sand, and there were like, I dunno, bugs or something jumping up and down on the compacted sand? Well, sometimes I do. Bye."

• Bullwinkle: "Hey, Rocky, somebody called while we weren't home. Watch me pull their message out of this machine!"
Rocky: "Again?"
Bullwinkle: "Nuthin' up my sleeve... PRESTO!" (Sound of vicious dog barking, stops abruptly.)
Bullwinkle: "Must have been a wrong number."
Rocky: "Here's a chance for you to REALLY leave your message."

• Recorded during a party: "HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB-BUB-HUB Yeah!! We're having a party!! Come on over! Mike's not home right now!! Look out! Hey what are you doing? Careful it might spill. Was that the phone ringing? BEEP!"

[Mo-Nercy]

That one George does on Seinfeld...heheh. Good times.

"Believe it or not, George isn't at home. So leave a message after the beep. I must be out or I would've picked up. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home!"

[Spiffing Cheese]

"Stop ringing this number, loser."

[Ouch!]

When my mom and dad first got married they did a message together. My dad would say a line in Spanish and my mom would translate it to English in a very proffesional voice.

"Escuche y repita."
"Listen and repeat."
"¿Dónde está Suzanna?"
"Where is Suzanna?"
"Suzanna está en la biblioteca."
"Suzanna is in the library."
"Deje por favor su nombre y un breve mensaje después del tono."
"Please leave your name and a brief message after the tone."

[Bomber]

One time I heard...

"Hello? **long pause** Ha! Fooled you! This is our voice mail. Please leave a message after the tone..."

Another kinda funky one...

"Whazzup there buddy, how do ya do!?
We cannot right now talk to you.
So leave your name, your message, and your number, too,
And as soon as we can, we'll get back to you! (yeah)"

[-N-]

That one George does on Seinfeld...heheh. Good times.

"Believe it or not, George isn't at home. So leave a message after the beep. I must be out or I would've picked up. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home!"

xDDDDDDDDD <3 Seinfeld

[Rye]

That one George does on Seinfeld...heheh. Good times.

"Believe it or not, George isn't at home. So leave a message after the beep. I must be out or I would've picked up. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I'm not home!"

George's is BRILLIANT. I want that as mine so bad.

[Shoeberto]

"DIE, COMMIE SCUM!"

I tried

[Levian]

Humourous Answering Machines are only short for ham anyway. HAM.

[-N-]

You mean long for ham?

Oooh, now I want a ham sandwich.

[Levian]

You mean long for ham?

That's what I said, stupid.

[Lindy]

I don't have an answering machine, if it's important, they'll call back anyway.

Therefore, I win.

[Fuzakeru]

"DIE, COMMIE SCUM!"

I tried

Wins. ^.^

However, I want our message to just have a pause then Myles quoting SNL, "I DRIVE A SATURN!!" xD! -giggles-

[-N-]

You mean long for ham?

That's what I said, stupid.

I'll give you a little longer to edit your post, then.

[Levian]

You mean long for ham?

That's what I said, stupid.

I'll give you a little longer to edit your post, then.

Thanks, I appreciate it.