One time I offered to marry an asian girl just so she could get citizenship and then we did and then this guy asked me if I married her just so she could get citizenship and I said yes and then she pulled her mask off and she was a man and then they caught me and put me in a cage and next thing I knew I was in Japan and all these fat men in overalls were karate kicking me in the skull, spine and intestines and would feed me this weird tasting tissue until I escaped one day in a heroic act of luck by me and some other prisoners (who died) and then I swam home. True story.