First off, I'm not going to argue any of this with any of you. I'm not here to debate the rights of molestors or of anyone, I simply want to reinforce what Amanda is saying.
I would rather have died. And I'd rather die now than ever experience it again. I was molested at 16 by my mother's boyfriend, and the damage it has done stems far beyond the damage to my body. That healed and went away. I was left with a fear of men and an inability to enjoy sexual contact from anyone.
Now, I'm sure this is nothing for most of you, and you'd rather risk it happening to countless other people in the interest that this man, this one man, can be happy and fruitful. That's fine. I'm not here to argue that.
Since the time I was 16 I've intensely feared all older men. I enlisted in the Army at 18, and consequently spent every day trembling in fear of these men who I knew could easily hurt me if they wanted to. Without consequence for them. I didnt sleep, I had horrid migraines, and I was miserable every single second of every day. So they sent me home.
I was soon living with my father, and that was the worst part of all. Because I feared him. My own father, who would gladly light himself on fire before ever doing anything to hurt me. I was scared of my own dad, and at that point I wanted to kill myself for it. You have no idea, any of you who have never been violated in such a way, what it's like. You never will. You'll never have any idea what it's like to fear someone you love and trust so much, when they've never even done anything to you.
I cant even properly articulate these thoughts, and I cant show any of you my emotions. It's something you wont ever understand, and I praise God for that. I dont want anyone else to understand. And I wouldnt risk any child, ever, to have to pass by the house of someone who would willingly defile them, their innocense and purity, and destroy their future happiness, for any reason.
If the rest of you are fine with letting a fox into a henhouse because he's been punished once, fine. If a right to live in a house, when there are hundreds of thousands of other homes to choose from, is higher than the right of a child to be safe and happy, then so be it. I wont argue with any of you. Because none of you will ever understand. None of you will understand until, God forbid, it happens to your own child someday. And then you can see how many people it effects, and watch the slow inner destruction of an innocent child.
It never goes away. It never stops effecting you. Ever. When the man you love touches you, it's there.
That's really all I have to say, and I doubt it made much sense, but whatever. That's all I have to say about it, and I know it wont make one whit of difference to most of you.
