I've had animals of various types my entire life, so I've had to deal with losing quite a few in my time. I think the hardest was when we lost a dog we'd had since I was a toddler, just a year or so ago. It doesn't ever really get any easier, but it will stop hurting with time. I know that's not very helpful, but it's really all the advice I can give. I hope you feel better soon. -hugs, even though I dunno you-