party like it's 1999

[Itsunari 2000]

I'd like to describe a harrowing encounter I had when I was 11-year old in the winter of 1999...

Well one day, late in 1999, me and my gang of 11-year old punks were hanging around outside the local video store, just minding our own business when all of a sudden,my friend claimed to have spotted who else but Prince, or the artist formerly known as Prince working behind the counter.Well, we proceeded to call his name trying to attract his attention and lavish him with praise when suddenly, he just snapped into a violent rage,vaulting over the counter and throwing down his purple bandana, marching right over to scream in our faces " That's it ! Dammit, I'm going to sue you and your hillbilly parents for every penny you have, you snot-nosed little bitches ! " Then he grabbed me roughly by the throat and threw me down on the floor, beating his chest like an enraged gorilla all the while ranting on about how this was his video store and how we " common brats" were mere mortals unlike him,for he was Jesus Christ and we were to die for him if he commanded it.Within dhours the incident was plastered all over the local tabloids, " Pop superstar assaults 11-year old boy in video store " and later, Prince was quoted as saying " I hope that smug-faced little bastard cried to his momma after I beat his ass HAHAHA ".Determined to get revenge, me, my Dad and my older brother gathered a mob of townspeople and laid siege to Prince's house with torches and pitchforks until he tried to escape in his crappy Soviet built purple helicopter which became entangled in a powerline and exploded , Prince incinerated in a fireball.Then we celebrated New Year's eve in Prince's house, with much merriment and laughter as the tale of the arrogant pop superstar/thug entered the annals of local history for generations to come.

Ah, the memories...