"Main screen turn on."

Ahem...My secret base would be full of...chocolate and coffee, it would have gaming consoles scattered around the floor, and there would be a big bed in it...Oh, that's my room.

If someone tried to infiltrate my base, there would be a message recorded by...me, of course: "You have no chance to survive make your time." Then, huge spears would be tossed against the trespasser, and if he survived...He'd be a lucky son of a submariner, so I'd just take an AK-47 and shoot him.