Child discipline

[lordblazer]

Well I'm sorry you think that, but spankings are better than yelling. Groundings work when they get to the age of 5. Before then they will do some stuff that will get them killed due to the fact that they are exploring there enviroments. You don't weant that exploration to be their last. So you whoop them(not hard but enough for them to get the message of not doing that
.

Simply put though. there is no book to parenting. If you think there is then your a fool. Who cares what experts said. Have they had kids. if so? How do they know a complete stranger's childs attitude and personality. Only the parents know. I just said what worked for me. thats it. Everyone has there own way of raising kids. Which shouldn't be frowned upon. The worse thing you can do as a parent is neglect a child.


Anyway to tell me that i don't know what I'm talking aobut because a bunch of people who study the area says so. Whateva. Then mos tof my fmaily must be smurfed up even though most of hte ones who received the whoopings when little broke the poverty line of their family. But hey like I said. That worked for our family.

You asked for an opinion you got it and you have some damn nerves to condemn it. Whateva. I never said anything in disagreement with yall until the post above me.

[ShunNakamura]

Lordblazer has some points there. Many of my freinds with the strictest parents who paddle you when you are truely bad are some of the best behaved and dillegent, last I saw them. Whereas the parents who only talk and don't paddle.. have some of the most ill behaved children I have seen. However, some paddling parents also have ill behaved kids and some talking parents have some very well behaved kids.

It couldn't possibly have something to do with the childs personality now could it? Well that came out somewhat sarcastic. However, it does get my point out. A childs personality will help determine what works.

[Shlup]

Like I said before, children aren't so easily damaged and a bit of physical punishment isn't going to destroy them, but it's far from the best way to discipline your child. Why should you care what experts say? Because they dedicate their lives to finding out how children develop and grow under what circumstances. It's what they do, and most people in the field are parents themselves.

Physical punishment deprives children of the opportunity to develop an internal set of moral standards. Instead of "I shouldn't do this because __________" they learn "I shouldn't do this because someone will hurt me." Obviously this isn't an all-or-nothing thing and there are many degrees of it, but it's a fact nonetheless. When children grow into adults where no one's going to spank them they're more likely to do things based on the fact that they can rather than thinking of whether or not they really should.

Physical punishment also teaches children that violence is an acceptable way to control people. Some people think that's fine; that it's manly or acceptable to pop someone in the nose if they piss you off. Most people don't.

If you want to toss facts and loads of research right out the window that's on you, but I just think it's an ignorant thing to do. You're taking your subjective experience which you have nothing to compare to unless you've lived two seperate lives, and some superficial examples of people you know over tons and tons of research.

I probably seem angrier than I am, and for that I apologise, but to refuse to educate youself on a topic based on some notion that you're more of an expert than experts? That's just silly.

I found an article that is, admittedly, on the extreme side, but not inaccurate, if anyone wants to read it. I'm personally really frustrated with how people don't think they need to learn anything about children before attempting to raise them, so if you plan on having children someday I recommend you at least skim it: *link*

[Rusty]

Today, in this world, the governments and child agencies have taken all rights away from parents. There is nothing wrong with smacking you child if he/she does something wrong. It's not abusing your child, it is teaching your child. Parents shouldn't abuse there children, no.

You look at the world today, parents can hardly slap their own child on the hand without worrying if someone is going to call the police on them and report 'child abuse'.

I get sick of hearing on the news about parents disciplining their children and people jumping down their throats about it.

I understand that child abuse is wrong - on all levels, physically, emotionally and mentally. I know, I went through it myself.

I realise that yes, there are other methods of disciplining a child, but don't condemn a parent for choosing smacking over a 'naughty mat'.

Stop taking away parents rights. I may not be extremely educated in child psychology as some of the people who have posted in this thread, but that's my opinion. Don't mistake my opinion for me agreeing with beliting a child till he/she has marks and bruises on his/her body. But a smack on the bum is not going to do any harm.

[lordblazer]

Like I said before, children aren't so easily damaged and a bit of physical punishment isn't going to destroy them, but it's far from the best way to discipline your child. Why should you care what experts say? Because they dedicate their lives to finding out how children develop and grow under what circumstances. It's what they do, and most people in the field are parents themselves.

Physical punishment deprives children of the opportunity to develop an internal set of moral standards. Instead of "I shouldn't do this because __________" they learn "I shouldn't do this because someone will hurt me." Obviously this isn't an all-or-nothing thing and there are many degrees of it, but it's a fact nonetheless. When children grow into adults where no one's going to spank them they're more likely to do things based on the fact that they can rather than thinking of whether or not they really should.

Physical punishment also teaches children that violence is an acceptable way to control people. Some people think that's fine; that it's manly or acceptable to pop someone in the nose if they piss you off. Most people don't.

If you want to toss facts and loads of research right out the window that's on you, but I just think it's an ignorant thing to do. You're taking your subjective experience which you have nothing to compare to unless you've lived two seperate lives, and some superficial examples of people you know over tons and tons of research.

I probably seem angrier than I am, and for that I apologise, but to refuse to educate youself on a topic based on some notion that you're more of an expert than experts? That's just silly.

I found an article that is, admittedly, on the extreme side, but not inaccurate, if anyone wants to read it. I'm personally really frustrated with how people don't think they need to learn anything about children before attempting to raise them, so if you plan on having children someday I recommend you at least skim it: *link*

Maybe because parenting is a sacred right of trial and error thats passed down through the generations. Which each passing generation it betters or worsens and most of hte time parenting betters as the next generation has kids..

When the phrase. "There is no book on parenting." Its quite true. A lot of these methods might work, but man a lot of poeple who do it just ends up having a dysfunctional family.(Now being crazy and wild doesnt defeine dysfunctional.)

Anyway parenting is a trial and error basis and I see what your trying to say. It wouldn;t hurt for people to read those articles. I agree with you on that. But those articles only contribute about 1% of parenting.

The 99% comes from the parent itself.

[ShunNakamura]

That article is quite wacked.. I mean yes the facts may be there.. but my brain informs me that something has been twisted.


Anyways When/if I have a child I will probably raise it like I do my dogs. Dogs can easily have an equivilant IQ to a young human child. They aren't stupid.. but they aren't exactly smart. And postive reinforcement(no hitting) works best in most instances.. however some pooches just won't learn like that. They on average are put down for being "snippy". Mine was snippy.. she ain't no more.. not even when I ain't around. Why? If she snipped.. she would get hit(not hard just enough to get the point accross). If she didn't snip at an instance where she used to, I would praise her and give her a treat. When she displeased it wasn't just a spanking.. but spanking followed by me no longer being nice(no treats, no petting.. I lock her out.. I don't let others pet or play with her etc.).

Now this snippy dog who had drawn blood from people before, is one of the best behaved dogs that we have at our club. She cuddles with people.. if someone picks her up by her ears she wimpers but no snappy.. And she does the same thing whether I am there or not.(the pulling part comes from the fact that she visits nursing homes and the such).

Dog and children aren't the same... but the early learning process of both(from what I have read of children and my actually experience plus reading of dogs) are quite similar. I have seen people with similar strategy as mine have very nasty dogs. And I won't even attempt my above strategy on some dogs.. It doesn't work for them.

Basically all I am saying is that it depends on the personality.

[Shlup]

It's not abusing your child, it is teaching your child.

Teaching them what, exactly?

Thinking of parenting as a fun time for "trial and error" is... interesting. I mean, yeah, it is a lot of trial and error, but that doesn't mean we should be proud to plow into this "sacred" think blindly. There may be no all-inclusive parenting manual, but to say there is no book on parenting is just untrue. No one's expected to read all of them, but I'd like to see just one written during recent years (child development wasn't an area of study at all until freud brought it up) that says smacking your child will accomplish anything other than maybe temporary results.

I'm not even going to comment on the "I'm going to raise my child like I raise my dogs" thing. xP

[Venom]

I wouldnt know how to go about cause all these fancy pants guides say yelling can damage a kid forever or that spanking is another form of abuse....i think i would rather just talk to my kid rather than do either options

[Shlup]

Yelling can damage anyone. Is it fun to yell? Does it really accomplish anything? Does spanking? To both of these people tend to say "It gets the job done," when it doesn't in fact do anything really constructive.

Talking is actually pretty affective. Obviously when a child is doing something "bad" you can't break out into conversation, and you have to be firm, but yelling and spanking only serve and immediate purpose followed by negative consequences.

Okay I promise to shut up for at least a couple of posts. No, I don't have anything better to do right now than spout child psychology junk.

[bipper]

As far as the dog tihng goes, you can communicate with your children a lot better than you can your dog. Trust me. My 22 month old unerstands most of the words that come out of my mouth. Communication is key.

I do think that a spaking here or there is ok. Children tend to push the limits, and spanking should be reserved for a severe punishment. I don't really thinnk that this would cause emotional damage, as when the kid chills out, and you talk over why they got that punishment; they will recover, and learn a lesseson... Hopfully

Yelling is a called for at times. If your child was doing somthing stupid, and you need to grab thier attention before they get in trouble, you yell. I will guess that is not what is ment by yelling though I would agree that yelling your point, is not a good way to do things.

Basicly I do believe in spanking, but spanking can be abused. Whenever I punish my daughter, or yell at her - when she recovers, I tell her what she did, and why she got punished. It works very well for me.

I think it breaks down to one simple thing... communication.
Bipper

[Mr. Mojo Risin]

ShlupQuack, could you be my parents?

And raise my kids if the condom ever breaks?

[ShunNakamura]

Bipper it is a scientific fact(I learned it due to the fact that I am with dogs and such alot and research them often) that a dog can easily have the vocabulary of an average 3 year old human child. So you can communicate with a dog quite easily. Goodness I got to have about 6 different commands for anyone thing I want my dog to do. She nows them all.. and if I am sick and being incoherent she can still figure out what I am trying to get accross and go do it.

I talk with my dog all the time she'll sit their and look at me. If I ask if she wants some water.. up and bark when thirsty .. give me sullen look if not. If I ask if she is thirsty the same thing. If I ask do you want a drink.. same thing. And mine isn't the only one up there that does this. All of them understand a variety of words and phrases, more then many young kids(3 and under) I know.

[bipper]

Oh weird. I have never heard that. Well, none the less I still think its easier to communicate with my daughter than a dog. My family seems to get blessed with some of the dumbest over energetic dogs. The one good one we had lost a split second epic right against a speeding car.

I guess it just goes against my experiences to say that Dogs are as smart as a three year old. My daughter is very smart, and has quite a big vocabulary. She is working on small sentances, and posessives. I would just wonder what she will be capable of at three, and I cannot honestley see a dog being that smart. While I agree they will recognise several words, I belive that is simply part of thier survival drive. Who knows though, if you have any links to any good resources or evidence for your claim, I would like to read it. Not that I don't belive you, I am just a little skeptical to belive that.

[Shlup]

I would have to see some credible thing saying a dog can easily have the vocabulary of an average three-year-old. That's a fairly broad statement, considering that a three-year-old's speaking vocabularly is only a fraction of their comprehension, and hard to believe in anycase. I'm not saying you're lying or anything, but I just cannot bring myself to believe that without some credible source.

[lordblazer]

It's not abusing your child, it is teaching your child.

Teaching them what, exactly?

Thinking of parenting as a fun time for "trial and error" is... interesting. I mean, yeah, it is a lot of trial and error, but that doesn't mean we should be proud to plow into this "sacred" think blindly. There may be no all-inclusive parenting manual, but to say there is no book on parenting is just untrue. No one's expected to read all of them, but I'd like to see just one written during recent years (child development wasn't an area of study at all until freud brought it up) that says smacking your child will accomplish anything other than maybe temporary results.

I'm not even going to comment on the "I'm going to raise my child like I raise my dogs" thing. xP

No one thinks that parenting is a fun time of trial and error, but relaly parenting is trial and error.

I might have ot deal with some situations I caught my kid doing that my dad has never dealt with. How do I deal with it?

You just go by instinct and hope its the best. In the end a lot of parents set a goal.

"Keep my kids alive until they're off to college."

Now it sounds harsh, but a lot of unsure parents say that.

Also another tip of advice. When you have a baby. Move to your parent's place. Yes this is important for they know how to keep the baby alive for the first 3 months of its life. They will also teach you the basics of raising a child.
My cousin was in Japan when she got pregnant. She came back to oklahoma and moved back in with her mom. Was able to get a good paying job. Stayed there for a 1. Then move back to Japan.

Most kids should do this. Mainly because most parents who have their first child. The ones that don't call on the advice of a parent or a child carer. Or a midwife. Then yeah that baby is pretty much screwed unless the parents know what they're doing.