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My hair is soft.
not true at all.
sephiroth and aeris had a thing goin on you see? But Sephiroth was a virgin, the type that has never seen porn and has never gained knowledge of the birds and the bees, even though he tried to gain the knowledge of the ancients and the planets. all he was trying to do was bang aeris. he thought his sword was his weewee, and he didn't kno where he was supposed to put it so he just kinda rammed it in Aeris' back. Meteor had nothing to do with the story line, it was just a random meteor that happened to be coming towards earth. but that's not how it really happened..
HOW IT REALLY HAPPENED:
tifa's boobs are so big that she has materia slots in them. she had a Cheese WEAPON summon that nobody knew of, as well as meteor materia. she got super hungry, and decided that she wanted to eat some cheese toast. all she needed was a Bread WEAPON materia. so lets go over the steps after this:
1) summon meteor, kill aeris because it's one less stomach to feed. and she sucks.
2) meteor danger released WEAPONS from the planet.
3) cloud heard a rumor that Bread WEAPON could be found in a crater up north.
4) They found Sephiroth got there first, nibbeling on the Bread WEAPON
5) Angry and hungry, Cloud's gang decided to go hunger rage on Sephy and annihalated him. all of this over food.
6) Acquired the Bread WEAPON summon materia after destroying Bread WEAPON.
7) Summoned Bread and Cheese WEAPONS unto meteor, nice and toasty, yeah?
8) everybody had a nice meal, but they forgot to take back meteor so Aeris was all like "aw my gosh i guess i gotta save the planet now... pfft." let holy come along and save the planet.
9) Nanaki was actually an invasive species, and after hojo's expirement, became way more furious, ferocious, vicious, and smarter than humans. ate cloud and co. had some kids. destroyed midgar after 500 years. yep.

Thank you Hysterian!
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