Many moon ago, there lived a small boy, who frequented the streams and rivers of his small village just outside of tuscony. There he would fish for processed meat found in metal cans. However, one day, his village was attacked by Pirates, who skewered him in every possible part of his body, including the unmentionables (...the knee ). However, by sheer coincidence, the boy had previously eaten a stale halibut that had been swimming in the polluted rivers of a nearby nuclear power plant. Through logic only sensible in a George A. Romero film, TheUndeadHero was born. Dragging his rotting corpse to the highest mountains, he learned the ancient arts of Ju-Jitsu, Fang-Ti, Home-Eco, and Shake-N-Vace from some monks who were bored out of their skulls and really didn't have anything better to do. Armed with these skills and the power of ambilivance, TheUndeadHero sailed the nintety-four seas in search of his killers. Eventually he found them, and after cunningly defeating them with various Matrix style moves and a combination of joy and anguish, he emerged victorious, out to destroy any foe, sow and buttons, climb any...

Ah screw it, I'm going to bed.