You preach cannibalism? My mental image is a little something like this...

"Brothers and sisters, welcome to the Church of Advent Cannibalism of Latter-day saints. As Jesus said, 'eating people is fun! My personal recommendation is lepers - their sores have such an interesting crunchy texture to them' and as we all know, Jesus is always right. I'm glad so few of you have made it back from our annual barbeque, and I hope to see even less of you back after our bake sale. AMEN!"