The Journal Thread (August)

[Scottie]

Please refer to this link for the announcement regarding changes made to this forum.


*begin journal entries*

[Britt]

08.09.01
_________________

Life is so hollow. >=]

I find myself wondering why exactly we exist, and how. What happens when we die? Do we simply cease to exist, never to exist again? Do we exist forever in void? Is there an afterlife? Is there reincarnation?

Due to my "religion," atheist-agnosticism, I'm fairly sure there's no logical way afterlife or reincarnation could exist. I think that when our brain stops (read, we die.) there is no way we could exist beyond that. And I find that pretty uncomforting. I hope I'm wrong, but I have the notion I'm not. Depressing, I know.

Frankly, though, I try not to let it bother me. There's absolutely nothing I can do about it, so as a result, I'm not going to lose too much sleep over it. It is a fairly depressing thing to think about now and then, though. As a result, I've been a bit down lately. Rather, I've been slightly more down then normal. I'm getting over it, though.

Tomorrow is my day off. I hate to say it, but summer really kinna sucks. I'm not sure which I prefer- work, or school. I only go to work three days a week, and I get to be around... interesting people, so I'm thinking I like work more. I've always found that I become anxious for school, and then when school comes, I wonder why in the Hell I felt that way and rushed myself out of summer. Bah.

I think this school year is going to be different, though. It'll be high school, and I'll finally be free of the morons I've been stuck with for 9 years. Or, rather, some of the morons. I'd just as soon I could avoid every one of the idiots in my class, but that's impossible. I will be free of them all one period of the day, though- my sophomore level computing class that I'm taking as a Freshman. As a result, I'll be surrounded by Sophomore Idiots and Junior Idiots as opposed to Freshman Idiots. It's a change of pace, at least. And the class will be laughable at best. To the best of my knowledge, all that's covered in it is HTML. I could probably teach the teacher. Heh heh heh... Ambition is a wonderful thing. Maybe I'll actually be noticed by school officials this year.

I'm rambling. It's fairly unlike me to even bother with this- and it's especially unlike me to ramble about such pointless things as computer classes and work. Interesting.

[Rainecloud]

*Note: I'm actually wondering whether I should post in here or not...seen as I've never done so before, but now the forum has been "Re-Vamped" I guess now's a good a time as any. I am allowed to I trust...?*

9.8.01. (English Dating...)

Hmm. I've been feeling depressed for exactly 21 hours and 32 minutes now due to numerous reasons. I've seen some strange things today which I feel reluctant to discuss. I have work again and this is my fifth week in this job. I'm finding it very hard to adjust to the working hours...I feel tired, and doing other things when I get home is becoming increasingly difficult as the days go by. I don't seem to have the energy anymore. Doing my favourite things seems like a big chore.

I feel somewhat reluctant to share my ideas and feelings with everyone in this forum, but EoFF is a nice place, and I'm quite sure I'll get some positive feedback.

You know when you work your ass off for ages in work, and you get absolutely nothing back in turn...know that feeling? Well, I feel like that right now. Everyone seems so uncaring.

Mind you, If I stay loyal to my job, I'm sure they'll give me privileges sometime in the future. It's sad when you work and work and work and then get treated as a mere brewing up boy.

Life seems pointless just now. Work is taking over everything else and I have nothing to look forward to.

Let's hope my next post in here will be...more positive.

*Ends with a sigh*

[Endless]

*cries at his lost child, and hugs the newborn*
*Realizes that this thread became a whole forum*


8/9/01 (morning)


Meh.
The day begins... not really good. Not for me, for my friend.
I have so many things to say... but... I can't.
I already wrote so many things here.
Now I'm waiting.

[Wyllius]

9/8/01

09:19am

At work, got nothing to do so am messing with spreadsheets and monitoring Fora.
Thankfully I only have a half day here, and I'm out at 12 midday.

Until then, I'm hoping that my boss will go away for more training after her meeting so I can get some peace.

I'll pass time with Jon by going to the canteen for Battles to the Death for Great Justice, and rolls.

[Bongo Monkey]

9/8/01

10:04AM

At work also, but both my boss and his boss are on holiday, so I might as well be.

Britt, I was in that "teaching the teacher" sitch back in the middle ages; it may not be a good thing. I was doing an electronics and such course for my old job, but because it was tied to an actual qualification, we had to do a maths module. It was really basic stuff, and when the instructor found out I was an ex maths student, I was an instant target. He'd spend at least as much time marking my exam papers as he did on everyone else put together, looking for something, anything to dock me some marks for. Then he'd come out with stuff like "98%, bit of a disappointment". It's a distinction, it's good enough for me!

I'll probably hang out in here until lunch, possibly think about doing some work this afternoon when I've woken up.

[The Professor]

8-8-01
__________

Hopes downed. My neighbor said he had the other million dollar Monopoly piece, but when we went to get it, his grandma had thrown them all away. >_< Oh well. I'm being dragged to the public pool day, after day, after day. I don't like swimming, and it's excruciatingly hot. I just sit on a bench and read Shadows of the Empire all day. I rarely get to see my best friend, because my other friend's family comes over every day and trashes our house because my friend's parents are divorcing. I know this sounds inconsiderate, but I'm really sick of seeing him. Every single day, all day, for 2 weeks and 3 days now. I'm starting bass guitar lessons soon, and I have a really cool black and white electric one. It's ace. Well, my life's pretty boring, so this is me, signing off for today.

[Umi Butterfly]

07 . 09 . 01 :

Illness :

I feel ill. Again. I tend to feel ill a lot lately. I don't know if it's due to the heat or my current circumstances between myself and a really close friend.
Symptoms : Dizzy, light-headed, stomach churning, extreme moodniess, loss of appetite, blank stare occasionally.
Diagnoses : One messed up girl. Yet, I fail myself again and I have to laugh.

Work:

I woke up today... I'm glad I can go to work. I have no idea why. People tend to shun work and see it as a tiresome chore. I love working! I love the people I work with, I love the people who I see when I work. It's amazing. I feel I have worth within the community... even though I'm only working at McDonalds. I still feel good though, that maybe I made a difference in someone's life by making them a fry and a shake? Lol. It's so silly. ^_^; I must have been dropped as a small child.

Hopes :

Everyday I new hope is born or relit. Today, I just hope I can get through the day without major confliction. I have a huge headache and I feel as though I'd just break down.
I hope I get a hug today. I don't receive them anymore but it'd be nice to have a LARGE and comfy one.
I hope it cools down. The heat is strangling me. I've become extremely lethargic and tempermental due to this humid weather.
I hope I go to bed smiling.
I hope everyone is okay. Especially 2 certain people... one's been feeling down lately and the other is upset because of my stupid actions. I hope they know I never wanted to be this way intentionally. I hope they know I'm sorry for what I did... It's so hard to confess that to them. I don't know why. I feel so little when I talk to them, so insecure ... it's so hard to say what I really mean. I'm an oxymoron. I'm so sorry.

[Drex]

08-09-01
10:28 AM

*sigh* I'm getting into the internet too much again. It's all well and good that I'm getting music, which I love, but that's only one facet of my life, and I've been neglecting the other facets. Went out to see Rush Hour 2 with friends yesterday. It was fun, but that's about all I do with them nowadays. Ug. I need to get out and make new friends. Good thing I'm going to college, I think.

I think. College is a daunting event on the horizon. Both attracts and repels (Ibsen's The Lady of the Sea, anyone?). Hopefully the time with my extended family and old friends will help my depression, but I can't get my hopes up. Hanging with the same friends is grating on my emotional barriers. I find myself attracted to people I oughtn't to be attracted to; people I said I wouldn't be. Maybe going away is a good idea.

I cling to my faith as a life preserver. It's all I think I have, sometimes.

[musashius]

Sorry if this goes off topic, but if us who have LiveJournals, can we just copy and paste our latest entries? Or should we just tell people to go to our LiveJournals?

[GeneralLeoLives]

8/9
I got up and ran 7 miles this morning, but my achilles is bothering me. We are going bowling tonight with work, it should be ok. I only have 6 more days of work...thank god. My job is easy and fun, but I have to stay at school to work. I can't wait to go home.

[Ally]

August 9, 2001
12:40 PM

I wonder why I'm writing this here. No one is going to care or notice, and I have my little thing at Diary-X, so why am I posting in a journal thread? I guess I'm too lazy to go into the site... heh.

Hmmm... about eight or nine days left till I pack up the computer and move out. Joy. I haven't moved in ten years, so I'm not really used to it. It'll be okay, I guess; the house is really nice, and my dad's girlfriend (the person we're moving in with) did an ace job on my bedroom. It's very... purple. My own private room... I think I can get used to that. It's a lot better than being out in the open, having everyone barge in on me all the time.

One thing that's going to be hard getting used to is school. I'm a junior this year... in a new school. Everyone keeps telling me that I'll be fine. Dad says I should be "excited." I don't like going to new places where I don't know anyone. I'm really quiet and shy. I suck at making friends with people. Oh well... I should look on the bright side. I get to start over. Hopefully I won't be miserable like at my old school...

Which reminds me... I gotta sign out soon. And get my report card; they never sent it to me! I wonder what I failed... =P And then I have to register at the new place... and sign up for classes. I hope there are still some fun electives available... I'd hate to get stuck with a second study hall. I wish we did this in June. *sighs*

I've felt so sick lately... I keep feeling nauseous... blah. Yesterday, I wondered if I actually had butterflies in my stomach due to being lovesick... ha. I found that funny for some reason... ah well, I bet it's just from lack of sleep or something. I stayed up till 2:30 AM on Tuesday in that voice chat... got about three hours of sleep afterwards. So I felt like crap all day yesterday.

Okay... that's enough outta me.

[Dr Unne]

Thursday, August 9, 2001 1:23 PM

I never wrote anything here before. I might as well give it a shot.

Life sucks in general. But it always has, so it doesn't bother me much. I'm looking forward to college; I hate being here. But when I get to college, I'll be looking forward to coming home again, I'm certain. It's always like that. Life is all about tricking yourself into thinking things will get better when they won't. Hope is worth next to nothing, but next to nothing is a bit better than nothing at all, right?

musashius: Post something here. Don't just post a link, please. That'd be kind of pointless. Copy your LiveJournal entries if you must. Or make something else up. Or just don't post here, if you don't want.

[Emerald Aeris]

08.09.01

1:17 PM

After my sixteen years of existence, I've come to a conclusion: Everything really sucks. Not only is it the temperature of a small toaster oven in here, and I hate the heat, but things are just... bad.

Fighting with people sucks. It really does. I hate arguing, especially with close friends. But I'm going to drop it. I've gotta let people make their own mistakes.. I shouldn't be so medling, and I'm sorry for that.

As usual, I'm somewhat happy to be going back to school. I'm looking forward to actual things happening, and I'm not too... well, everything else.

I have a feeling grade 11 isn't going to be too much fun... In order to avoid hideous Chemistry (Now way in bloody hell am I taking that again) I was forced into... Parenting. -_- Well, my best friend Laura took that too... and even though she's a year older, the Parenting class is still in the old curriculum, so there's a good chance we'll be in the same class. That would be cool. On the other hand, I'm really looking forward to Art, Biology, and Graphic Arts. I hope I get cool teachers... Too bad Mr. Brydges is gone.. He was a nut (Icecream has no bones? O_o), but an awesome art teacher. Even if he did make us draw corn for a week because we wouldn't stop talking. XP Ah, Art class ruled last year.

I'm not looking forward to the usual petty fighting between my friends though. Definately not. Maybe this year they'll grow up a bit... But then again, maybe not. And if Harley pulls the same crap he did last year, he'll be eating out of a straw for the rest of his days. >_<

On the bright side, I got 2 guinea pigs (I found the correct spelling. ^_^) today. My brother's is mostly white, with some black on the head, and mine's mostly black, with some white on it's back. Mine's a baby. Still have no idea what to name it. Suggestions appreciated.

Overall, I'm kinda in a null mood. O_o I've been kinda blank lately, but I always get like that when bad stuff happens... Ah well, another day, another year... It's all the same. *jams to Black Balloon*

[Daryl]

August 9, 2001 - 12:53 PM CST

I'm supposed to be at work right now. I got home a little while ago. My supervisor sent me home after a half day because I was basically caught up with everything, and she thought I looked rather ill and dead on my feet.

I think it's accumulated sleep deprivation and mental stress; which are almost the same problem, it's the stress which keeps me from sleeping. Yes, I don't go to bed until rather late, but I don't need more than 6 hours to feel completely refreshed. I've been clocking 2 or 3 hours of sleep all week, and that isn't enough for me to be fully functional at work.

Last night, I was online until 2:30 AM... my goal was to be in bed by one, but I had two pretty intense conversations going, that I couldn't leave. Finally, one had dwindled, and the other one just pissed me off, so I left.

One of those conversations with with an ex of mine... the first man I ever loved, and who loved me in return. He and I have been talking again for a while now, since May; we broke up early last Fall. Last night, he tried talking to me, but I wasn't really talking back, because I was talking to a lot of people, and I was just in a rather un-hyperactive mood. I tried telling him about my life now, what's new for me, what's old for me, how I'm doing... and he snapped and started saying very hateful things to me, malicious lies that really, deeply wounded me.

I guess that means we aren't friends anymore.

Now I'm home, and supposed to be 'resting', but I can't sleep in broad daylight. Maybe if the storms come, it'll be dark enough with cloud cover for me to sleep.

My moods have been swinging to dramatically, I almost feel manic-depressive. It seems to vary with the level of thinking I do. Right now, I'm not really in a good or bad mood, I'm too tired, I'm just kind of here, I guess. All in all, though, life is pretty good for me at this point.

The only other thing weighing on my mind, is that August 22nd I have my regular 4-month checkup with my oncologist, and my regular 8-month CT scan. I always start to worry, or more accurately, get terrified, as my appointments get closer. Suddenly I start getting 'symptoms', and I am usually rather anxious until it's over. With how run down I've been lately, I can only hope it's only because of my trouble sleeping. I really don't want to be sick again. Heck, my schedule's far too full for cancer. I do have my priorities.

Ahh, I've rambled a long time here, but I think that's rather the point. I'll stop anyway.

~Becky