Favorite Simpsons quotes.

[Black Mage FF1]

Homer:

Simpson, Homer Simpson. He's the greatest guy in history. From the, town of springfield. He's about to hit a chess nut tree....AHHHH


Lisa, vampires are make believe. Like elves, gremlins and eskimos.


Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.


Marge: Homer the lord only asks for 2 hours of your time every Sunday (something like that)

Homer: Then he should have made the day two hours longer....lousy lord.


Oh, so they have internet on computers now!


Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.


If he's so smart then how come hes dead?


"Homer,we're gonna ask you a few questions. Do you understand?"

Homer: "Yes"

*Lie detector blows up*


Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if its speed dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."


Homer: I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!


Homer: Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.


Homer: Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?


Homer: Thank you brave clown. In death you saved us all.

Krusty: Im not dead.

Homer: I can still here his voice in the wind.


Homer: Oh lisa, you and your stories. Barts a vampire, beer kills brain cells. Now lets go back to that place, where our beds and stuff.....are....at.


Barny: My name is barny and im an alcoholic.

Lisa: Mr. Gumbo this is a girls scout meeting.

Barny: Is it? Or is it that you girls cant admit you have a problem?


Homer: Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers.


*Simpsons trying to figure out how they can save money*

Bart: I'll start smoking and give that up

Homer: Good for you son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things to do. Have a dollar.

Lisa: But he didnt do anything.

Homer: Didnt he lisa? Didnt he? Oh wait, he didnt. *Snatches dollar back*


Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! (pause) Except the weasel.


Homer: Now, son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies and kids with fake IDs.


Homer: Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain what's-his-name? We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughing, did you?


Homer: I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff. And I want in.


Homer: That's it! Being abusive to your family is one thing, but I will not stand by and watch you feed a hungry dog! Go to your room!


Marge: the plant called today, they arent happy you missed work, they said if you dont come in tommorow dont bother coming in on Monday.

Homer: WOO-HOO!! 4 day weekend!!!