Wiggum: Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Wiggum: What IS your fascination with my forbidden closet of mysteries?

Ralph: Oh boy, sleep! That's where I'm a viking!

<a href="http://www.thedotdotdot.com/humor/ralphquotes.html">Actually, there are too many Ralph quotes to really narrow down.</a>


Lionel Hutz: Uh oh, we drew Judge Schneider.
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: Really?!
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatedly' and the word 'dog' with 'son'...

Moe (After a lie detector test): Good, 'cause I got a hot date tonight (lie buzzer) ..a date (lie buzzer) ..dinner with a friend (lie buzzer) ..dinner alone (lie buzzer) ..watching TV alone (lie buzzer) ..All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.(Lie buzzer) Sears catalog. (ding) Now will you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! (lie buzzer)

Wiggum: Okay, folks, show's over, nothing to see here, show's- Oh, my God! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage. Come on crowd around. Crowd around, don't be shy, crowd around.

Homer: When the fire starts to burn, there's a lesson we must learn, something something then you'll see, you'll avoid catastrophe!

Customer: I'd like $2 of gas please.
Apu: That'll be 4.20.

Homer: Hey, Moe, I need your advice.
Moe: Sure.
Homer: Well, you see, I've got this friend, his name is... Joey... Joe Joe... Junior... Shabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I've ever heard!
(Guy sitting next to Homer gets up, starts crying, and leaves)
Barney: Come back, Joey Joe Joe!
Home: Oh what the hell, it's me.

Apu: Yes, I'm sorry, I do not speak English, ok.
Lady: But you were just talking--
Apu: Yes! Yes! Hot dog! Hot dog! Yes, sir! No, sir! Maybe! Ok!