I've done about a third of those. Good stuff.

Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
or begin it with, "Well there I was..."
A friend of mine started one out with "It was a cold, dark, lonely night on Route Irish..."

My own to add:
-I will not test our beanbag M203 rounds on other soldiers.
(Also: I will not challenge other soldiers to a "duel" with any weapon, military or not.")
-I will not participate in "duels" with dart/bolt pistols in the barracks, no matter how much the opponent has "dishonored my lady".
(Also: This is not contingent on how much I've had to drink.)
-No means no.
-When told to go to a Sexual Harassment briefing, I will not reply with "That's alright, I already know how."
-I will not wear "I'm with stupid" shirts to PT.
(The "FUBAR" shirt is also a no-go.)
-I will not refer, directly or not, to anybody in my Chain of Command in a cadence.
-I will not call cadence again. Ever.
-Next time I have to throw up from the second floor of the Ft. McCoy barracks, I will go over the side of the rear balcony, not the back of it.
(Also: I will not drink more than one fifth of whiskey in a night.)
(Also: I will not offer my Squad Leader a drink.)
(Also: I will not get a Mormon drunk, ever again.)
(Also: I do not know kung-fu.)
(Also: I will not believe anybody when they offer a "bet" for me to drink more. They won't come through on it.)
(Also: I will not respond to a direct order with "I'll do it for a dollar!")
-I will not attempt to dual-mount MK-19s.
-I will not carry an MK-19 to a guard tower.
-I will not drive the Bobcat to the PX.
(Also: The bucket on a Bobcat or Front-End Loader is not a "passenger seat".)
-I will not offer hugs to anybody.
-I will spread out my tracer rounds, instead of filling a magazine and a half with them all.
(Also: I will not take tracer rounds out of a battle buddy's SAW belt.)

There's more, I just can't think of 'em right now.