Dear people of Cadiz,

It has come to my attention that your football team is scheduled to play FC Barcelona in three days time, and that a win in the aforementioned fixture would place your side on 35 points, in an ideal position to avoid relegation at the end of the season. As you are not doubt aware, my team is also set to face Barcelona next month in the Champions' League final. With this in mind, I am sure you will agree that it would benefit both of our teams to enter into some sort of alliance against this foe.

So if it isn't be too much trouble, would you mind setting one of your defenders the task of breaking the legs of Ronaldinho/Samuel Eto'o in the aforementioned La Liga match? In return, you can loan Jeremie Aliadiere out for next season's campaign, and we'll continue to stifle the English International side while promoting young Spanish talent as best we can.

Yours sinceritvely,

An Arsenal fan