Missin' Mitch

[escobert]

[Shlup]

I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I'd say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!" When I think of a duck's friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow.

[Raistlin]

I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary.

[escobert]

Oh but, wasn't it oh so cool?

[Miriel]

I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary.

I was on top of a human pyramid before. It was rad.

[Caspian]

I used to do drugs.

I still do drugs, but I used to too.

[escobert]

Cool. I like UFOs they make me happy inside.

[The Mighty Sabotender]

I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again," because apparently they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me--"C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait--Fruit on the bottom, hope on top."


I miss Mitch Hedberg

[herbie08]

it said that you could buy it with 4 easy payments. I wanna see something that's paid for in three easy payments, and then one really smurfing complicated one! We're not gonna tell you which one it is, but the mail-man will be shot, the envelope will not be sealed, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination! The last payment must be made in wampum! Good luck, smurfer!

[SammieBabe]

Its like pancakes.. At first they're really good.. But by the last one, you're just sick of 'em!...

[Caspian]

I really wanted a parrot, so I bought a tape recorder instead.

[Venom]

Sometimes I drink Jack Daniels until I cant see.

[Giga Guess]

O_O


*walks away slowly from the crazy people*

[The Mighty Sabotender]

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.

[Necronopticous]

I was at a party and they had a contest going on...guess how many jelly beans and you win a prize. Aw, come on man. Let me just have some. We'll make a compromise, you guess how many jelly beans I want. If you said a handful you are right!