I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I'd say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!" When I think of a duck's friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow.
I saw a human pyramid once. It was totally unnecessary.
Oh but, wasn't it oh so cool?
I was on top of a human pyramid before. It was rad.Originally Posted by Raistlin
I used to do drugs.
I still do drugs, but I used to too.
Cool. I like UFOs they make me happy inside.
I opened up a container of yogurt, and under the lid it said "Please Try Again," because apparently they were having a contest I was unaware of. But I thought I might have opened the yogurt wrong. Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me--"C'mon, Mitchell, don't give up. Please try again. A message of inspiration from your friends at Yoplait--Fruit on the bottom, hope on top."
I miss Mitch Hedberg
Russian Pride
Коммунисти́ческая Па́ртия Сове́тского Сою́за
it said that you could buy it with 4 easy payments. I wanna see something that's paid for in three easy payments, and then one really smurfing complicated one! We're not gonna tell you which one it is, but the mail-man will be shot, the envelope will not be sealed, and the stamp will be in the wrong denomination! The last payment must be made in wampum! Good luck, smurfer!
'if we couldn't laugh then we'd all go insane'
Its like pancakes.. At first they're really good.. But by the last one, you're just sick of 'em!...
I really wanted a parrot, so I bought a tape recorder instead.
Sometimes I drink Jack Daniels until I cant see.
Owen made this sig. R.I.P.
O_O
*walks away slowly from the crazy people*
Many thanks Christmas!
Horniest Member, 2007! Gimme a little unf unf!
I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.
Russian Pride
Коммунисти́ческая Па́ртия Сове́тского Сою́за
I was at a party and they had a contest going on...guess how many jelly beans and you win a prize. Aw, come on man. Let me just have some. We'll make a compromise, you guess how many jelly beans I want. If you said a handful you are right!