Del Snizz: Tell me a story, daddy!
Panicmonger: *patpat*
Panicmonger: I might..
Del Snizz: Yay!
Panicmonger: If you tell me how school was today.
Del Snizz: It was great! We learned how babies are made!
Panicmonger: .. Ahem. Well, tell me all about it, sonny.
Del Snizz: There's a big factory in Russia where they put all the parts together!
Panicmonger: In which city?
Del Snizz: And then we had lunch.
Del Snizz: Uhh...all of them.
Panicmonger: Oh, how very ambitious of them!
Del Snizz: Yeah, and then we sang songs about long division!
Del Snizz: And I wondered if they did that in Russia, too.
Del Snizz: And then I took a nap.
Panicmonger: A nap? How productive of you. Pfft!
Del Snizz: Pro-duc-tive?
Del Snizz: Daddy, you promised me you'd tell me a story!
Del Snizz: Story! Now! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!
Del Snizz: Today we read The Cat in the Hat.
Panicmonger: Hah. Neo-nazi propaganda, it is.
Del Snizz: What's a neato-notsy propagamta?
Del Snizz: Huh, daddy? HUH?!
Panicmonger: *cracks open beer* Well, Krissy.. erm, I mean, sonny..
Del Snizz: Who's Krissy? Mommy said he was a bad, bad man. Is he?
Panicmonger: Yes he is. He is the man who comes into your room at night and dresses you up, and makes you do those funny noises. Not me.
Del Snizz: *starts crying*
Del Snizz: Make him stop, daddy! *sobs*
Panicmonger: Now, now, bub. Men don't cry, now do they? No, not this American heterosexual man, ya hear!?
Del Snizz: But the bad man, daddy! The bad man! The noises! *cries*
Panicmonger: Don't worry sonny. I'll buy you a big, nice rifle for your 5th birthday. Every man needs a big rifle, isn't that so? Then you can shoot this Krissy character.
Del Snizz: YAY! *stops crying* Thank you, daddy! I love you! I mean...I have a largely unemotional attachment befitting of a normal American heterosexual male to you! Did I get it right, daddy?
Panicmonger: Yes, yes, quite right! I will now give you a strictly father/son male hug. No emotions intended.
Del Snizz: *practices aiming a gun* Look, daddy! I'm shooting, I'm shooting! Die Krissy! Die, die die!
Panicmonger: What a sound little American heterosexual boy you are! I say! Now daddy has to go outside to mow the lawn. If you want to, you can borrow one of daddy's guns and do some target practice. Just sit on the front porch of our idyllic American suburban house, and shoot any bypassers. If the police asks you anything, you say that it was self-defence. There should be no problems.
Del Snizz: Thanks, daddy! *goes to the gun room*
Panicmonger: *waves*