THIS JUST IN!
Psychotic sleeps with BoB in Secret Alliance.
oh wait, that's last year's news.
THIS JUST IN!
Psychotic sleeps with BoB in Secret Alliance.
oh wait, that's last year's news.
that party would win by default. It would be like the Ohio voting machines in the 2004 presidential election.Originally Posted by Neel With A Hat
It wasn't the voting machines, eest, it was the lack of them and the fact that we had a huge turnout for voters. I waited in line 2 hours.
***THIS JUST IN***
Fluffy Pink likes to rape its members
Kyono, news informant for the Fat Chocobo parties, heard earlier today that the Fluffy Pink Party likes to dye Pandas pink and specially train them to RAPE its members. Boris No No, leader of the party has denied all allegations against the rapes and the alleged dying of pandas pink, which many believe to be cruel and unusual. Boris claims that the FPP is all about happiness and niceness, as she had pink dye dripping from her fingers with black and white fur. Who knows what is true, but personally, I'd believe this story. It's just the sickening kind of thing those hippies in the FPP party would do.
*NEWS BULLETIN!
TUTU Party STARVES O RLY Owls
In a startling event, the O RLY owl was seen carrying away a Fat Chocobo plushie from the Fat Chocobo HQ. Upon probing deeper, it has come to the attention of the free press that O RLY owl stole the plushie in order to feed its family. When questioned, the TUTU party responded with ,"So you wouldn't even give the owl a little bit of charity?" however, there is, as this reporter knows, a difference between charity and theft - which the O RLY owl committed. The Fat Chocobo Plushies are meant for members of the FC Party only. Further, it has been made claim that the TUTU party has been starving the O RLY owls and forcing them to advertise during the elections. With meager rations and heavy work, whilst the high-heads of the TUTU party rake in the profits, it is no wonder the O RLY owls are beginning to steal for food. Startling news indeed.
I'm Marick D. Pauper reporting live from the EoFF Forums. you stay classy Eyes on Eff Eff.
NEWS BULLETIN****
Psychotic, leader of the TUTU party, has publicly announced, "This party [TUTU] is crap." To further the evidence, RSL and Psychotic were both seen talking to Neel: "Oh look, RSL and Psychotic are joining us? What splendid news!" Which was made a public statement, by Neel in press conference. However, it seems Psychotic and RSL have both backed out of their words. Psychotic, while not making a public statement, has made it clear that the faith of his party has been shaken and is looking for a way out, however, he can't look like a crook. I ask you, people of EoFF, do you want this man running your government? Do you want RSL, who was in a similar situation, to run your government? No? Then the options are narrowed down that much more. You have a decision to make, citizen.
-News tips from Flying Mullet
I'm Marick D. Pauper reporting live from General Chat. You stay classy Eyes on Eff Eff.
*ANOTHER BULLETIN UPDATE*
In a suprising twist, the Unne Avatar Party has joined the ranks late in the game, picking up some straggling members and stealing a few of the parties loyals back from other parties. However, things look gloomy for the party as the major parties have already been established, but a round of applauds for them and all parties. Recent polls show that members believe the Fat Chocobo party have a 82% chance of winning 100% of all the votes.
Last edited by Dignified Pauper; 02-07-2006 at 04:38 AM.
True, true.
Super Delete is here. Could something be on the verge of happening?
The bias in all of this makes this year's reports far less amusing than last year's reports.
Bow before the mighty Javoo!
Is there any fun news?
LET THE HAMMER FALL
Yeah.
it's like real news
YEAH! I NO RITE?!
You know this news is too much like a soap, too dramatic, you need to get more spies and colleagues in other parties.
LET THE HAMMER FALL
URGENT NEWS UPDATE
The Fat Chocobos feed baby brains to their Chocobos! In a startling revelation, made public by the infamous Psychotic, in counter to the argument that TUTU starves the O RLY Owls. Was it a vain attempt to relieve pressure from the TUTU party, redirecting it towards FC, or is this story buried in startling truth, Marick D. Pauper has the answers.
Gysahl Greens, a favorite treat eaten by fat chocobos, has come from an off-shore manufacturing platform on an unclaimed island deep in the pacific isles. This plant, known as BBGG (Baby Brand Gysahl Greens), provides the Fat Chocobo party with all of its Gysahl Green needs in exchange for monetary and government support after the 2006 elections. Strangely enough, the company owns another island only 600 miles away, where they have a colony of native island men, with high fertility rates, breeding as much as possible. Out of the babies that are formed, the company takes 70% of them: "It is for labor purposes, we simply don't have enough, so we teach the babies at an early age how to work the machines. we also teach them to talk and walk and squalk all at once as well." Upon investigation, the GHO (Global Humanitarian Organization) has looked into the factory, which, for many months, refused to open doors, and found a starkling revelation:
"It seems that there are babies held in the factory, which is unethical, however, they are treated well. The babies are given many breaks, lots of food, and plenty of toys to occupy their time. Once they enter toddler stage, they are sent to work in the clean and safe part of the factories, as well as taught how to talk, walk, and squalk. However, the number of babies that were being trained to work was significantly (67%) lower than what we had expected. The babies unaccounted for were simply stated as being, 'Our records don't show them being here, therefor, they must not have even been present in the factory.' We, at the GHO, after looking at the fertility rates of the native tribe in comparison wth the babies in their village have come to believe that somewhere, babies are being lost in this exchange. One worker at the plant said, 'I saw a baby attack a sailor when the last shipment. The sailor was going to throw it overboard, but the captain came and took the baby into the brig.'
"When we looked at the Gysahl Greens, we found that there was a definite strand of DNA that matched those of the natives laced into the tasty chocobo treat. Whether this is due to the adding of baby brains in the formula, or whether it is due to just a marvel in genetic spraying or an unethical use for baby brains is up for question."
With that, it is unclear whether or not we can be certain the Fat Chocobos do feed baby brains to their fat chocobos. Perhaps they are unaware of what goes on in the plant, however, this is also uncertain.
These are the facts.
I'm Marick D. Pauper reporting live from General Chat here in EoFF.
You stay classy Eyes on Eff Eff.
LIKE REAL LIFE LOL OWNED
Wait, I feed baby brains to chocobos? :o
How does he know my secret?!
If your life had a face, I'd punch it in the dick.
So where's the Unne Avatar Party in all of this?
In the midst of Pauper's second to last post. It's nothing consequential.
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