URGENT NEWS UPDATE

The Fat Chocobos feed baby brains to their Chocobos! In a startling revelation, made public by the infamous Psychotic, in counter to the argument that TUTU starves the O RLY Owls. Was it a vain attempt to relieve pressure from the TUTU party, redirecting it towards FC, or is this story buried in startling truth, Marick D. Pauper has the answers.

Gysahl Greens, a favorite treat eaten by fat chocobos, has come from an off-shore manufacturing platform on an unclaimed island deep in the pacific isles. This plant, known as BBGG (Baby Brand Gysahl Greens), provides the Fat Chocobo party with all of its Gysahl Green needs in exchange for monetary and government support after the 2006 elections. Strangely enough, the company owns another island only 600 miles away, where they have a colony of native island men, with high fertility rates, breeding as much as possible. Out of the babies that are formed, the company takes 70% of them: "It is for labor purposes, we simply don't have enough, so we teach the babies at an early age how to work the machines. we also teach them to talk and walk and squalk all at once as well." Upon investigation, the GHO (Global Humanitarian Organization) has looked into the factory, which, for many months, refused to open doors, and found a starkling revelation:

"It seems that there are babies held in the factory, which is unethical, however, they are treated well. The babies are given many breaks, lots of food, and plenty of toys to occupy their time. Once they enter toddler stage, they are sent to work in the clean and safe part of the factories, as well as taught how to talk, walk, and squalk. However, the number of babies that were being trained to work was significantly (67%) lower than what we had expected. The babies unaccounted for were simply stated as being, 'Our records don't show them being here, therefor, they must not have even been present in the factory.' We, at the GHO, after looking at the fertility rates of the native tribe in comparison wth the babies in their village have come to believe that somewhere, babies are being lost in this exchange. One worker at the plant said, 'I saw a baby attack a sailor when the last shipment. The sailor was going to throw it overboard, but the captain came and took the baby into the brig.'
"When we looked at the Gysahl Greens, we found that there was a definite strand of DNA that matched those of the natives laced into the tasty chocobo treat. Whether this is due to the adding of baby brains in the formula, or whether it is due to just a marvel in genetic spraying or an unethical use for baby brains is up for question."

With that, it is unclear whether or not we can be certain the Fat Chocobos do feed baby brains to their fat chocobos. Perhaps they are unaware of what goes on in the plant, however, this is also uncertain.

These are the facts.

I'm Marick D. Pauper reporting live from General Chat here in EoFF.
You stay classy Eyes on Eff Eff.