Holy smurf, you mean that we've only lost
eight of our first team defenders!? And yet we still haven't managed to cope!? Why, you've opened my eyes! What a shambles our squad must be, not to overcome such a trifling loss! Why, my fury at this pathetic display is so great that I shall henceforth break all ties with the club and start supporting Chelsea, whose record with injuries is remarkably good for a club with five czillion pounds, and have enough cash to buy Shaun Wright-Phillips and then wreck his career, just so we can't get our hands on him. You'd think that with all that money, karma would come into effect and John Terry would suffer an unfortunate skydiving accident (e.g. discovering that his parachute is actually full of rotting whale meat). It almost makes you wonder if there's any justice at all! (Can we at least agree on this bit?)Besides, I was actually including Justin Hoyte, who is on loan to Sunderland and is therefore unavailable. To be fair, they weren't all unavailable at the time of writing, but I don't think this changes the fact that losing
nine sodding defenders is a bit of a bit. I'd also like to point out that Pascal Cygan has scored twice as many goals this season as Harry Kewell and also does not have the worst haircut
in the world. This statistic doesn't have much relevance, but it's still fun to note nevertheless. Frankly, you wouldn't have won the Champions' League if Kewell hadn't had the good sense to go and get injured, so don't go around thinking we're the only team with a complete and utter joke in our squad.