A Joke Thread.

[Shoden]

post some good jokes you just have to tell but keep them clean, I just hope this doesn't turn into spam, comment on jokes if you like, well then here's mine:

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet. Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear" Lion says: "if I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me." The chicken says: "big deal, I only have to cough, and the entire planet craps itself."

[Shoeberto]

A man walks into a bar.




"Ow."

[Shoden]

Ok here's another. A blonde, a buddhist, army general, a nazi and a chav all walk into a bar, the bartender looks, stares and says "is this some kind of sick joke?"

[Psychotic]

Here are a couple just for you, Bladen.

Police were today called to St. James's Park for a suspected burglary. Thieves had apparently targeted the club's trophy room, and had completely cleaned it out. A police spokesman said that the only item that had been taken was a black and white carpet.

What's the difference between Newcastle United and bird flu? Bird flu's in Europe.

Shizzow.

(there goes my popularity with American audiences)

[Shiny]

Hmm, well here's one...

<!--At Michael Jackson's house, every little boy knows it's time for bed when the little hand is on the big hand.-->[leeza]*snip*

No, let's not go here. ~ Leeza[/leeza]

[Shoden]

Psy, those jokes are even older than Gandhi.

I'm running out of clean jokes.

[Bart's Friend Milhouse]

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What's politics?"

Dad says, " Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs so we'll call you the People. The maid, we'll consider her he Working Class. Now your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him, and he finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and knocks on the door. No answer. Reason is, his father is bonking the maid so vigourously that he doesn't hear the knocks. His mother however seems to be completely unaware as she is fast asleep. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to to his father, " I think I understand Politics now."

"Excellent my boy" the father replies slapping his knee, "sit on my lap and tell me in your own words what you think it is."

The boy promptly answers, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored, and the Future is full of [img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img][img]/xxx.gif[/img]"

[Hawkeye]

What's the difference between engineering and philospohy?

About 50,000

[Psychotic]

Psy, those jokes are even older than Gandhi..

So you're saying Newcastle have been crap for a long time, then?

I'll post a joke that I posted in the last joke thread that I posted in. It's supposedly the funniest joke of all time according to some poll, so here we go:

Two men are out hunting. One of the men, while trying to hit a deer, accidentally shoots his friend. He frantically calls 911.
"Hello, 911? I need an ambulance."
"What's the problem, sir?"
"I accidentally shot my friend...I think he may be dead."
"Okay sir, can you make sure that he's dead?"
"Alright, hold on a minute."
A gunshot is heard.
"Yeah, he's dead. So now what?"

[Bart's Friend Milhouse]

This guy comes into a gunstore and wants to buy a rifle scope.
The Owner hands him one saying "This is a very good one. Look out the window: Right up on top of that hill you can see my house."
The man looks through and starts laughing.
"What is it?" the Owner.
"It really is a good scope, I can see two people having sex through one of the windows!"
The Owner takes the scope away from him to have a look.
"That´s my wife!" he exclaims.
He mounts the scope on a rifle, loads two bullets and hands it to the man.
"I will give you the rifle with the scope for free if you shoot her in the head and him his dick off."
The man agrees and takes aim. Then he smiles, hands back one bullet and says: "You know what? I think I can do it that in one shot."

[Shoden]

There will always be jokes bashing other teams in sport, if there werent any where would the fun be? It'll take a few hours to think of jokes appropriate enough to post here, most the ones I can think of are either Dirty or racist.

[Leeza]

Yes, please keep all dirty and racist jokes out or this or it will be just another thread chalked up to a closure. Thank you.

I don't know any jokes, but I guess you all figured that out already.

[Shoden]

Some of the jokes so far are pure quality lol, I'll post a few good ones tomorrow, I'll ask around for them, I was expecting a joke on how cats are superior to dogs from you Leeza.

[vampirepiggyhunter7]

Its old but some people might not have heard it...

"Hey daddy, is God white or black?"
"I dont know son"

"Hey daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"I dont know son"

Hey daddy, is God Micheal Jackson?"

(Dumb I know...)

[Leeza]

I was expecting a joke on how cats are superior to dogs from you Leeza.

That's not joke, Bladen. That's just pure truth.