Here are a couple just for you, Bladen.

Police were today called to St. James's Park for a suspected burglary. Thieves had apparently targeted the club's trophy room, and had completely cleaned it out. A police spokesman said that the only item that had been taken was a black and white carpet.

What's the difference between Newcastle United and bird flu? Bird flu's in Europe.

Shizzow.

(there goes my popularity with American audiences)