A Joke Thread.

[mooglebunni608]

A chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and a computr engineer are in a car, (driving) when all of a sudden the car jerks to a stop. The engineers all start tryiong to decide what is wrong. The chemical engineer says "Guys!!1 it's gotta be *names some random and obscure occurence that casues the gasoline to evaporate or something*!" the mechanical engineer inturrupts hime and says "No, thats not it, it's gotta be *names something equally random and obscure that causes the engine to break or something*" meanwhile the computer engineer, who has been silent until now, intirupts them both "Hey, Guys!!! why don't we get out of the car, then get back in!!!"
lol





(SPOILER)reboot, lol. :P

[Shoden]

Oh I have one! An englishman, irishman and a scotsman are all in bootcamp training for the armed forces, their final exam is in 2 steps, go outside make a big noise and return then say the amount of letters there are in the alphabet. THe scotsman goes first, he starts shouting and screaming for half a minute he returns, and the examiner asks "how many letters are there in the alphabet" the Scotsman takes a few seconds to count and replies "26", he's through. The Englishman goes next, he goes outside and makes a short loud noise he walks back in looking pleased with himself and answers the wuestion with a 26. The Irshman goes next ( ) a few minutes pass and no response the examiner goes "where the hell is the guy?." His question is soon cut off from a loud explosion and noise from outside, in comes the Irishman and the examiner says "well done, excellent work! now how many letters?" "24" the examiner looks shocked, "ooh one more try you did so well before, how many letters are in the alphabet?" the Irsihman replies with "24" again, the examiner asks "clearly there is 26, where did you get 24 from?" "well it's 24 now, I just blew up B&Q" everyone went silent.

[Ki Ki]

Okay okay, what's brown and sticky?

(SPOILER)A stick!

[rikkupainegoofydonald]

My favorite joke is a panda plays my toy doggie and cute puppies, a French teacher sees a panda playing my toy doggie, but she screams and runs away, I play dead and panda throws me with Toy Doggie. :grin:

[Levian]

Why did the baby cross the road?

It was stapled to a cow.

[escobert]

All of my jokes are dirty and preverted and would get me banned.

[Shaun]

Hmm... Okay, I've got one! It's got a little bit of rudeness, but not too severe. If Leeza, for example, doesn't like it, then feel free to 'give it the snip', but I don't see what's too wrong with it. And I can't remember it 100%, but here goes...

A man walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Alright, I'll give you one-hundred quid if you can make the horse around the back laugh and then cry."

"You're on," says the man, and he walks out to the back to the horse. Thirty seconds later, he walks back to the bartender and tells him to go and look around the back. The bartender notices that the horse is laughing. "I'll be back tomorrow," says the man.

The next day, the man returns to the bar. "Okay, I'm getting this over with and collecting my cash." "I'd be impressed if you pull this off," replies the bartender. The man walks to be back, and moments later, the bartender hears sobbing. The bartender approaches the man and the horse, and sees that the horse is crying. "How the hell did you do that!?" asks the bartender. "First, I told him how big my cock is. Then, today, I showed it him."

Hah, not amazing, but meh.

[Black Angel]

I have a Chuck Norris joke, and I don't think it's dirty...

Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and Arnold Schwarzenegger have all died and are in Heaven.
Each of them hope to occupy the seat next to God. God asks Vin Diesel why he thinks he should have the seat and Vin replies, "I believe... I should have the seat because of the virtuosity in my toughness and pride." Arnie says, "I believe... that I should be the one sitting next to you because of all my achievements." God then turns to Chuck Norris, who replies with, "I believe... you are sitting in my seat."

[Relena]

LOL These are all hilarious!

[nik0tine]

Two penguins are sitting in a tub. One says "Hey man, pass the soap." And the other penguin says "Pssht, what do I look like? A toaster!?"

[Giga Guess]

One day, Ethel and Joe are walking along a pool by the Mantal Asylum. Completely out of nowhere, Joe dives into the pool in an effort to drown himself. On a spur of the moment, Ethel dives in after him and hauls him out.

The next day, the appeal board called Ethel in. "Well Ethel, we have good news and bad news. The good news is that thanks to your clear thinking, and quick action, we believe you are finally fit to re-enter society. However, unfirtunately, last night Joe succeeded in committing suicide, and he hung himself with his belt. I'm truly sorry Ethel."

To which Ethel replied, "Oh, I just hung him up to dry him out, that's all! So when can I go home?"

[bennator]

Okay, I'm a nerd, and a chem nerd at that:

One day a Chemist, a Physicist, and a Biologist from a landlocked country are given the opportunity to travel to the ocean shore. Upon arriving there, the physicist is mesmerized by the wave action of the water. He heads out into the water to examine the wavelength, and amplitude, and interference patterns of the waves. Unfortunetly, he goes out too far and drowns. The biologist notices some fish swimming, so he goes out into the water to study all of the diversity of life in the water. However, he goes out too far and he drowns too. After all this happens, the chemist sits back on the shore, pulls out his notebook, and writes "Physicists and Biologists are soluble in ocean water"

[Xaven]

Where does the president keep his armies?




(SPOILER)In his sleevies!

Why did the baby cross the road?

It was stapled to a cow.

:<3:

[DarkLadyNyara]

How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water.

What do you call 2,000 lawyers at the bottom of the pacific?
A good start.

What do you have when you've got 2,000 lawyers neck- deep in sand?
Not enough sand.

What's the difference between a dead lawyer in the middle of the road, and a dead snake in the middle of the road?
The skid marks go around the snake.

The devil goes to a lawyer and says "If you give me your soul, and the soul of everyone in your family, I'll make you a partner in the firm." The lawyer thinks about it, then says "what's the catch?"

A woman goes into a pharmacy and asks for some cyanide to kill her husband. The pharmacist says "Oh, no! I can't do that. It would be wrong". In response, the woman pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacists wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and says "you didn't tell me you had a prescription!"

[NeoCracker]

Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.