"Our government is run by Democrats and Republicans working together. And the only thing stupider than a Democrat or a Republican is when these p!@cks work together. The Republican party is a party of bad Ideas, and the Democratic party is a party of no Ideas. The way it works is a Republican stands up in congress and goes, 'Hey! I got a really bad Idea!" and the democrat goes 'And I can make it SH$ttier!"

"President Bush has given casino's in New Orleans one billion dollars to rebuild, so that people who have not lost their homes will still have the chance to do so."

Both by Lewis Black.