It's a happy birthday!

[Flying Mullet]

Then we're going to have to disagree, Mullet Time™.

I'm going to make a new Mr. T/Vin Diesel/Chuck Norris. I'm thinking Boris Yeltsin.

Boris Yeltsin got in a fist fight with the Moon, and won.

Bah, Boris Yelstin is just an opportunist. Chuck was bored on a lunch break one day and decided he'd had enough of Soviet Russia so he brought the regime down. Then Boris stepped in and tried to take control and pretend that he's as awesome as Chuck.

In Soviet Russia Chuck still kicks ass.

Or, more realistically, it'd have the same force as two sad old men slapping each other simultaneously. And that's not a coincidence.

Chuck did punch his reflection in the mirror once. Chuck doesn't have a house on top of Mt. St. Helens anymore.