Long long ago there was a great warrior who was known by all in many tounges but carried no true name. He could defeat any man, conquer any beast, and woo any woman.



In Latin they called him Vincent (Conqueror, victor) the Celtic's called him Cadman (a man of battle) or Caedmon (a wise warrior) whereas the Norse called him Magne (Fierce Warrior). Throughout his legacy he was behind every great victory in battle, and was the council for every wise decision ever made. One day while he was out benchpressing his dairy cows, a man


came to him and said there was word of a greater warrior than he. Immediately the warrior sprang to his feet and rounhouse kicked the messenger leaving him grotesquely disfigured

the only words that the warrior could make out of the mans mouth were "go...China" So the Warrior quickly began running. 20 minutes and 42,000 miles later he came face to face with this warrior the messanger had spoke of. Without warning a great battle ensued

the chinese warrior was his greatest challenge yet, requiring 3 roundhouse kicks and a headbutt. As he stood over the remains of his enemies, the crowd started chanting nuk su kow, nuk su kow. but the warrior did not care for this name so he immediately roundhouse kicked everyone within a 30 ft radius and ran off destroying every home in his path


but because he was a peaceful man at heart he exiled himself in the only place where people were lazy and stupid enough to not bow in his presence. Here in the land of america he took the alias "Chuck Norris". He even met a friend

while here that taught him that the pleasures of america could somewhat satisfy his need to kill


So he took a vow to downplay his greatness and pretend to be mortal, started making movies (a producer saw him break his vow one christmas by giving the gift of a roundhouse kick to the face) and started selling exercise equipment. He now lives peacefully and teaches us all that theres a time and a place for everything....and it's Chuck Norris