Irrational National Sensation! (Out Now!)

[Levian]

IT'S NEW,
IT'S FANTASTIC,
IT'S WORTH MORE THAN YOUR GRANDMOTHER,
IT'S THE
NEW,
AWESOME
SKIPMASTER 2000

All my life, I've been walking around wondering what people would think if I suddenly one day decided to myself that TODAY, I would wear a gold bikini and a rifle to the mini market.
Ok, so I haven't been wondering this all my life. In fact, I've never thought about it until five minutes ago, but that's not the point.
I'm not going to stand on a ladder just to wait for someone to start shaking it, and if by any chance they will, I will gently or violently kick them in the face until they stop and go away, depending on which gender they're currently in.
This is not a matter of integrety, it's a matter of self counciousness and my freedom to wear anything I want to on top of my head, like a vase or lasagne.

Sure, I can't sing, but at least I'm terrible at it.
Seriously, my singing voice could dislocate shoulders within a 50 mile radius. Speaking of singing, do you know what I dislike about old people?
They always whine about how things were so much better before. At which point I would normally say "When? during the war? When Kennedy got shot? When Japan got bombed?", now I just nod and agree.
Then they tell me to speak up because their festering ears are malfunctioning and I tell them that I didn't say anything, then they change the subject to something totally unrelated, like cats.
Nobody would like a cat if it didn't have any fur. It would look like a snake, not even a cute snake, more like a snake in the freeway.
Some people should never be in the freeway, like old people. They just get a heart attack behind the wheel and smurf things up. Same with pregnant people. They just start giving birth. Birth is gross, there's nothing beautiful about birth at all, there's just blood and gore and crying. "Congratulations! A boy in slippery goo just came out of your bloody vagina! How do you feel?!"
I just feel like my day should be filled with something interesting, like piano lessons, or a conflict that would get worse and worse, but in the end of the day everything would be fine and I would've learned a valuable lesson, and this whole process could go over and over again during primetime each wednesday and thursday, but my life isn't a sitcom. It's not even a sit.

edit 1 year later: I can't believe this thread wasn't closed. xD

[theundeadhero]

When you said skipmaster I though it was one of those things that you swirl around with one leg and jump over with the other. They had little counters on them to let you know how many times you have skipped!

[Levian]

It's a skipping rope. The only difference is that we charge you 100 bucks more for it.

[Luther X-Rated]

Same here it seems like the elder people don't like me skating on thier sidewalk.
I say, "The sidewalk is not your property" but then the elder couple just calls the police.
They also dont like me skating on "church grounds", which means five miles from the church. Yeah, I got busted trying to argue the situation I just ended up getting
an M.I.P (Minor in possession) for having one of those little novelty whisky bottles.
So yeah elder people and cops make me mad.

[Psychotic]

You're really hung up on old people, aren't you? Soon they'll be dead. Admittedly to be replaced with more old people, but they'll be dead soon enough too. And then these happy days will be yours and mine.

[Xaven]

IT'S NEW,
IT'S FANTASTIC,
IT'S WORTH MORE THAN YOUR GRANDMOTHER,
IT'S THE
NEW,
AWESOME
SKIPMASTER 2000

I was the jump rope king in second grade. Ah, good times.

All my life, I've been walking around wondering what people would think if I suddenly one day decided to myself that TODAY, I would wear a gold bikini and a rifle to the mini market.
Ok, so I haven't been wondering this all my life. In fact, I've never thought about it until five minutes ago, but that's not the point.

What a great idea! Except you might have to change the bikini to pink and polka-dotted, and the mini-market to the mall.

I'm not going to stand on a ladder just to wait for someone to start shaking it, and if by any chance they will, I will gently or violently kick them in the face until they stop and go away, depending on which gender they're currently in.

Depending on which gender they are currently in? Hmm... And what's with gently kicking? That doesn't seem very pleasant.

This is not a matter of integrety, it's a matter of self counciousness and my freedom to wear anything I want to on top of my head, like a vase or lasagne.

A lasagne hat. Hey, post that in Neel's thread about him being bored of his hat.

Sure, I can't sing, but at least I'm terrible at it.
Seriously, my singing voice could dislocate shoulders within a 50 mile radius.

American Idol is the show for you! I want to make fun of you as you fail miserably in the preliminaries, and dislocate Paula's shoulders.

Speaking of singing, do you know what I dislike about old people?

Me being the person I am, I sit there for hours, bored out of my mind, yet smiling and nodding and agreeing with everything they spew out of their mouths. I makes me sad, becase I think that they're lonely and have no one to take to, so I try to be that person, so they don't end up depressed and commiting suicide.

They always whine about how things were so much better before. At which point I would normally say "When? during the war? When Kennedy got shot? When Japan got bombed?", now I just nod and agree.

Yup.

Then they tell me to speak up because their festering ears are malfunctioning and I tell them that I didn't say anything, then they change the subject to something totally unrelated, like cats.

Why does that seem so familiar?

Nobody would like a cat if it didn't have any fur. It would look like a snake, not even a cute snake, more like a snake in the freeway.

My 7th grade science teacher had three hairless cats, and he loved them to bits. They were really cute except for the sagging skin.

Some people should never be in the freeway, like old people.

Or my sister.

They just get a heart attack behind the wheel and smurf things up. Same with pregnant people. They just start giving birth.

All the time.

Birth is gross, there's nothing beautiful about birth at all, there's just blood and gore and crying. "Congratulations! A boy in slippery goo just came out of your bloody vagina! How do you feel?!"

Yuck, yuck, yuck.

I just feel like my day should be filled with something interesting, like piano lessons, or a conflict that would get worse and worse, but in the end of the day everything would be fine and I would've learned a valuable lesson, and this whole process could go over and over again during primetime each wednesday and thursday, but my life isn't a sitcom. It's not even a sit.

Your life is a sitcom. You just don't know it yet.

[escobert]

Wow, you have too much free time Xaven

[Markus. D]

Wow, you have too much free time Xaven

[Jess]

I just feel like my day should be filled with something interesting, like piano lessons, or a conflict that would get worse and worse, but in the end of the day everything would be fine and I would've learned a valuable lesson, and this whole process could go over and over again during primetime each wednesday and thursday, but my life isn't a sitcom. It's not even a sit.

Your life is a sitcom. You just don't know it yet.

Dude. You just told him.

[ScottNUMBERS]

More than my grandmother? Get out of here.

Edit: Grandfather and a couple cousins you may have yourself a deal.

[Alive-Cat]

Levian, that belongs in Writer's Corner and deserves to win many awards! I love it!

[Anaisa]

All my life, I've been walking around wondering what people would think if I suddenly one day decided to myself that TODAY, I would wear a gold bikini and a rifle to the mini market.

You should try it, an then you'll find out.

I'm not going to stand on a ladder just to wait for someone to start shaking it, and if by any chance they will, I will gently or violently kick them in the face until they stop and go away, depending on which gender they're currently in.

I say go with the violent kick, regardless of gender.

This is not a matter of integrety, it's a matter of self counciousness and my freedom to wear anything I want to on top of my head, like a vase or lasagne.

A pizza might look quite nice as well.

Speaking of singing, do you know what I dislike about old people?

Everything?

They always whine about how things were so much better before. At which point I would normally say "When? during the war? When Kennedy got shot? When Japan got bombed?", now I just nod and agree.
Then they tell me to speak up because their festering ears are mal-functioning and I tell them that I didn't say anything, then they change the subject to something totally unrelated, like cats.

Old people are disgusting. Their ears are probably malfunctioning because there full of hair. People say"You'll be old someday" I say: "If thats what you think, my suicide will come as quite a shock. Euthanasia should be made mandatory after a certain age, or rather a certain level of hideousness. Once you get so repulsive an useless, its time you were leaving, because your making the place look ugly. Your scaring the kids, an more importantly, ME. Old people are like the living dead, I occasionally see a group of wrinkled festering figures slowly moving along in the distance, an think the zombie invasion has started. I'm just about to go home an whip on something more skimpy, because thats more suitable wear for killing zombies isn't it? When I realise their just old people.

Nobody would like a cat if it didn't have any fur. It would look like a snake, not even a cute snake, more like a snake in the freeway.

I would still like them, id take pity on the poor little things.

Some people should never be in the freeway, like old people. They just get a heart attack behind the wheel and smurf things up. Same with pregnant people. They just start giving birth. Birth is gross, there's nothing beautiful about birth at all, there's just blood and gore and crying. "Congratulations! A boy in slippery goo just came out of your bloody vagina! How do you feel?!"

Giving birth is sick! Everyone knows babies should just be grown in laboratorys, or in a little tank at home. An if they don't know that, then they should. Spread the word. An old people shouldn't be allowed to drive. I don't want to look at them when i'm out in the car. If we're not allowed to dispose of them, then they should at least only be able to use public transport. An thats their own seperate form of public transport, an any vehicle they travel in, has to have blacked out windows, so we don't have to look at them.

[Levian]

I feel like we've connected on another level, Anaisa.

[escobert]

Levi I want to connect with you

[Levian]

Shoo, kitty. I don't know where you've been.