Peter- "Are you gonna eat that stapler?"
TV Executive- "You...can't eat a stapler."
Peter- "Wanna split it?"

Peter- "Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually."

Lois- "Peter, would you please fix the bathroom faucet?"
Peter- "I fixed it already."
Lois- "You didn't. It's still dripping."
Peter- "No way! I will give you all my Star Wars cards if it is. Wait, wait. Except Boba Fett. No matter how sure I am, I never risk the Fett man."

The last one is my all time favorite:laughing: