A celebrity is one who is so ugly that their face is featured constantly on all forms of media as a form of pity. The are also often paid ridiculous sums of money for this. Although they alone believe themselves superior to society, celebrities are shunned by intelligent individuals, though many still follow the lives of celebrities out of morbid curiosity. Celebrities are treated as animals in some countries, being fed thin strips of carrots and celery.

Celebrities are often exploited for their bizarre and disconcerting looks, (see Michael Jackson) in a series of "celeb pics" present in magazines and websites. Celebrities should always be avoided, as they often carry diseases and are prone to biting others, grabbing the buttocks of complete strangers, and parading about town all liquored up and off their mash on ecstasy pipes.

While it is true that celebrities often exhibit some form of talent, it is by no means a requisite. Many celebrities, in fact, exhibit no talent at all. The only true requisite of celebrity is to have one colossal public failure to one's credit. This alerts the media to one's presence. If the proto-celeb is able to secure an agent, celebrity status is assured. The quality of the agent will determine whether the celebrity becomes a superstar or a guest on Hollywood Squares.

Celebrities are classified as a form of parasite.